[jagxj12]

Salaams All.. something really bad happned a couple of months ago so I started a thread about it.. please have a look at the link below and try to help me now and also make Dua.


http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/show...s-please-helpp

I am 18 and my younger sister is almost 16.
As much as I want too make up with my sister and put things in the past.. honestly with all my heart I do.. but I cant.. My heart feels sick.
She really broke my heart. I never knew it was possible for my own sister to break my heart. I think and remember it everyday.. but I dont dwell on it anymore.. I just occupy my self with other things rather than have to suffer the pain again. I hate my self in many ways.. and blame my self I still do and no matter what anyone says.. my wrong doings and actions have had a big negative impact on my familys life.
I feel as if I can never ever speak to her again.. although that is completley stupid but thats just how I feel.

Whenever Mum makes breakfast or lunch etc.. I ask mum to tell her to go upstairs or into the other room whilst I eat.. Mum hates it.. and cant bare it.. but I either avoid talking about it with them or just tell them im not intrested. -I love my Mum to bits.. no woman will ever be able to be in there place and I also wish too make up with my sis for mums sake.. but I cant.. my heart wont let it be.

They say the best healer is time. and thats what im giving it and im also making dua.. This has been the biggest test of my life so far!!

I feel like crying whenever I think about it.. I cant bare it or stand it.. I felt suicidal when it first happned if Im entirley honest with you.
Its a big hole in my heart. Knowing and having to think that..about your baby sister.. having to picture 'other men .. we all know how the shaytaan is when he puts things in our heads.. and its discusting. I cant explain to you how I still feel.. I feel the same since its happned but I just ignore it I guess.


Please remember me in your duas.. Allah Paak is our Lord and they know best.. I leave everything to them and insh'Allah sooner or later .. ONE DAY. things will be back to normal .. but I dont see them being normal for a very long time.

I pray that this never ever happens too any brothers or sisters or parents.
Brothers give much love and attention too your sisters and mothers.. because thats who deserve it the most.. if we dont give it then unfortunatley the way society is potrayed nowadays.. 'oh you need a boyfriend or a man etc and also the lack of imaan.. then they will seek it elsewhere and through haram ways and acts.
Please please I urge you.. I never ever want anybody too feel the way I do and for this too happen to them. So prevent it from happening by manning up and talking to your sisters and not being shy..because as men we are scared to open up. Also sisters and mothers.. build relationships and friendships with your brothers and sons.. we are also seeking comfort and affection.. we just dont show it.

I would'nt call it a calamity.. I wish I could but it's not.. theres people dying of hunger and in alot more worser positions than me.. so that makes it a tiny little bit better. but it still hurts

the funny thing is, a teacher teaches the lesson first and then you sit the exam.
Whereas as Allah Paak most beautiful.. gives us the exam and then the lesson.

The worst thing is not having anybody too talk too..friends are just fakes..not trustworthy at all and theres nobody who I could ever trust to talk about something like this. So it's pretty hard having too keep everything inside.. but then I think who needs friends. I have Allah Paak although they may hate me for my awful sins and the way I couduct my self sometimes. and too be honest I would never ever want to disclose that with anyone.. because no matter what happens behind close doors.. I truly do belive that it should be a rose tinted view infront of others.. some may argue but im not after a debate and this may seem ignorant but I would'nt want my sister or family or even me in that sense to be shamed.
I dont know if you'll understand.. I guess its just a sense of respect..

I guess this is my only means off letting it out.. it helps a bit.. and I know this sounds stupid but sometimes..times like this.. it would be loveley to have someone who just listens and tells you everything will be ok and gives you a cuddle. lol im a grown man..adolescent man and saying I need a hug!!!.. we all need comfort sometimes wether we admit it or not and trust me.. and the only reason im writing all this is because nobody knows who I am.

Maybe one day which I do hope and pray that ill find a friend who I can talk to about anything, who wont judge me and will just be real and honest with me and be able to let EVERYTHING OUT.. because theres a heck of alot too let out.
For some of my 'so called friends I would do just about 'Anything for within reason.. I really would and have done in the past.. but then I know they probabbly would'nt do the same.. and they say the people who arent worth it.. you should take them out of your lives.
But in actual fact.. if I did that then I would'nt have anybody left.

Dont ever judge anybody by there appearences.. as humans we are quick to judge... try not too because after reading all this you will have already made a mental image up of me and trust me if you ever seen me around..100% fact you would be SHOCKED. Im potrayed as the 'young macho lad.. Im actually a bodybuilder.. so as you would guess I am big lad mash'Allah . I always smile.. no matter what.. so that other people may see how happy I am and give them a reason too smile.. also its Sunnah and I never get emotional or anything with anyone.
So dont judge a man till you've walked a mile in his shoes people!!

Sorry If iv'e bored you.. brothers and sisters and respected elders.. Im not after replys.
Like I said.. theres people in much worser situations..so I cant complain. Im not after sympathy votes.. just TRYING to release some emotions. Shukar Alhamdulilah for everything I have. Remember me in your duas if you can. I will pray for all the UMMAH Insh'Allah

Jazak'Allah