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@UserInvalid: I was raised in a Muslim household in a Muslim-majority country. I was obviously aware of the reasoning behind almost everything prescribed and forbidden in Islam. You somehow assume I have inadequate Islamic learning which caused me to leave Islam; if this satisfies your Islamic ego so be it (I mean, either that or I have to be possessed by the devil to do something like this, right?). So I think this "you-did-not-have-enough-knowledge" attitude is childish and presumptuous. And pray tell me, if I were to fall at the feet of an 'alim (which, one, is un-Islamic and two, would be insulting to my dignity as a woman) would he tell me that homosexuality is a natural thing, hence acceptable in Islam? Would he tell me that traditional Islam is unfair to women or would he tell me magic is a stupid concept? All the things I mentioned in the post are my uncompromising positions and I know there is no way traditional Islam can agree with these. The 'alim would only persuade me to believe what's already said in the books of Islam, he'd indoctrinate me, intimidate me with hell (actual hell, not figurative), use twisted Zakir-Naikish reasoning, perhaps narrate a couple of stories from Sunnah to drive home his point.

There is New Islam out there. People like Asra Nomani and Irshad Manji and, to a lesser degree, Tariq Ramadan (and many, many others) represent it. I was once a believer in it. Reforming Islam. Ijtihad, modern thought and all of that, I swallowed it hook, line and sinker. But I also discovered I have no real spirituality in me. I did not believe in Islam per se. It was more of a blind insurance policy, a fake shoulder to cry over and hope for support. Perhaps I got selfish, for I took the easier path and got what I wanted for everyone just for myself, instead of staying on and fighting for change in the community.

You must realize (not just you, almost everyone on this forum) that me leaving Islam is perhaps a victory for the Islam you represent. Like you said, I'm saying (rightly or wrongly) "Islam is... a package". Which is why I began my post with profuse gratitude, not just to this forum but everyone who made me understand this about (traditional) Islam. I agree with you that Islam is a complete way of life, and I reject that way of life. Every aspect of it. Because, like you, I do not believe it is possible to change Islam (or at least, I have given up hope). Of course, we can say female imams are fine or that the extent of hijab is culturally defined or with modern standards of hygiene, pork is okay. You can do that and much more, but then you cease to be following the Prophet's message.

I understand most people on this forum want to increase their faith in Islam and accept more and more things from the Islamic package into their lives and invite more people to Islam. I respect your faith and your conviction. I'm not interested in mocking Islam or making fun of Muslims. They, like devout followers of any faith, are the nicest of people. Nor am I interested in pitting Islam against any other ideology, whether political or religious, and say that's better. Every system of belief and governance we have on this planet is imperfect and most problems arise when their ardent supporters are indoctrinated about how flawless their arrangement is. All I'm saying is Islam isn't for me. It's unfortunate that I was born a Muslim (for both me and Muslims) and I just corrected that. No bad blood intended.

And lastly, perhaps I did hurt a lot of people who read this post, because as a Muslim when I used to observe others in non-Islamic acts, it really hurt. And I would like to sincerely apologize for that too, but I felt I have a story linked to sunniforum.com and I must share it.

In the best of Islamic traditions, peace be upon you.