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@Anybody: Thanks for replying to my post. I intended to make my previous post the last one, but after seeing your reply I had to respond. And thank you for your kind words, and for taking my words at face value unlike many other members, although I don't blame them for that.

I'm not playing any games but now that you said it, one of the reasons that drove me to create this thread was the 'lashing out' you were talking about. But I was not lashing out at Muslims or Islam, it was because I have to live with the fact that I cannot really tell my family or most of my friends about this decision out of fear of being an outcast. I'm not looking for acceptance of my ideas, certainly not on this forum. As far as knowledge is concerned, it would be arrogant for any person to assume they know everything, especially about a religion as diverse and as voluminous in text as Islam. I don't think by not believing in Islam I've gained any peace of mind - it is forcing me to live a double life and in fear of what would happen if the truth were to slip out to my family. I have not stopped believing because of some personal issues or a tragic encounter. I actually have a comfortable life, a great husband and a decent career. And for long, Islam was only a secondary aspect in my life. I could have chosen to live like that forever.

When I first traveled to Western countries, I swallowed everything as cultural difference, thinking we all just do things differently. Only when I returned to my country, and lived in Saudi I realized what we've turned ourselves into. Now, I'm no apologist for Western culture either. Their treatment of women is equally degrading as ours, if not worse. The constant portrayal of women as sexual objects, the naked casino capitalism and a superficial sense of freedom doesn't fool me. But I think we Muslims have trapped ourselves in mundane, fruitless banter about religion while our economies, political systems and societies are rotting away.

I have known a few Muslims who stop believing in Islam, and after several years turn back. And I've read about a few famous ones too. You yourself say that you've been an atheist before, so you should perhaps understand better than some of the hyper-reactive users on this forum. I don't know if you were born Muslim, but I bet you can't even describe the joy, the peace of mind of believing in Islam after being an atheist. To finally know that you have arrived, on your own, to the truth. I know most people around me believe in Islam because they were told so at a young age. Their belief is a matter of ego, that what they've always been told has to be right. At least that's how I felt. Why is it that so many Muslims, even on this forum, worry more about rather peripheral issues like how women dress or why polygamy should be allowed or debunking various sects within Islam and declaring them kafir, than focusing on the most important things in Islam: belief in Allah and the Messenger, prayers, fasting, etc.?

So do you wish to deny me that quest for truth? I do not hold any grudge against Allah or the Messenger, as people here appear to have assumed. I'll be happy to believe in Islam but on my own accord. I want to be a Muslim not because I was born as one, or for fear that my society won't accept me otherwise. Right now, many things in Islam appear wrong to me and I believe continuing as a Muslim would be hypocritical. I may arrive at something else that would give me spiritual bliss, but there is something inside me that just hopes it is Islam, so that I can be at peace with the world around me.

You talk about me judging Islam. Your real issue is that I've a negative judgement of Islam. If I were to be ignorant and said flowery things about the religion, you wouldn't really care, would you? I do not claim to be a scholar in Islam, yet my knowledge isn't as limited as you'd like to paint. And even though I hate this patronizing attitude, I do not take offence because I understand your perspective. However, for meaningful dialogue I'd prefer you don't treat me with kid gloves ("I do not believe you have studied human nature or its myriad perversities manifested in the world". Seriously?). I've not exchanged Islam for any other (established) belief, but I'm open to that. Meanwhile, I'm very much interested in a mature, dispassionate dialogue about Islamic theology.

Thanks again for your response, and peace.

PS Sister, when Allah doesn't force us to believe, why do we Muslims do that to each other?