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The anxiety that something could become napaak or that cross contamination could occur means that I spend most of my time by the sink washing my hands.

The effect is that my business is therefore down the pan, I miss Salah because I spend so much time cleaning one thing or the other and the same cycle repeats itself everyday. It's the 'what if' scenario, i.e. if my hands are still napaak and I touch other things they too will need to be washed.

Things are beginning to unravel, people are beginning to discover I have issues and I can no longer hide it. The only solution seems to be hiding away from people. My biggest fear is if napaaki still remains on my hands and water from my hands then falls on the carpet, I could walk on that carpet with wet feet after wudhu for the rest of my life and all my subsequent Salah will not be accepted.

Reading material from the Majlisul Ulama and Jamiatul Ulama Gauteng has only exacerbated my fears, causing a wrongful perception in my mind that the deen is very strict.