Bismillah Ir-Rehman Ir-Raheem Dear Brother Darknite: Brother, no matter how many doors you imagine have closed to you, you should know that the door to Allah is open 24/7. All you have to do is ask Him to guide you. And just yesterday or the day before, I had replied to one of the posts which will Insha-Allah show you why you should not be without hope. Finally, I ask you watch Divine Speech Prologue 1 and Divine Prologue 2. Maybe you think your life is finished after whatever you have undergone, but maybe Allah closed those doors so that He could guide you to Him, to this Forum, to this moment. Brother, you cannot imagine how intricately Allah has planned everything...how every breath of yours is meant to be breathed in the moment in this place... My advice is wait...just do not be in a hurry yet to take any drastic step...just listen to this advice from a concerned sister in humanity who loves you as her brother without even knowing you. If I have said anything that is good and true, it is from Allah, and anything other than that is my own mistake.