Suhail you have the advantage of youth on your side. You fall then you get up. You fall again and then you get up again. And so on. I'll tell you my personal example-when I meet my old friends it so happens invariably that old negative feeling are completely wiped out and only pleasant things come to mind. This after some time these negative things that are bothering you, and it is good that they weigh heavy on your conscience, they simply disappear. Finally I have a suggestion that you use your next summer vacation to go in Jama-at by telling your parents that you are going in search of spirituality. Wallahu'alam.