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Bismillah Ir-Rehman Ir-Raheem

Assalam-Alaikum, my dearest, sweet, precious young sister:

May Allah grant you aafiyat in this life and the hereafter.

My dear Sister, you are not worthless.

Sister, I do not normally share this online or in real life, as Masha-Allah life has moved on and so have I. However, my dear sister, I read your first thread on this Forum and do understand your concerns in this thread. However, I want to tell you first and foremost that I love you for the sake of Allah, and you are not worthless because Allah loves you, I promise you.

When I was your age, during middle school, due to the bullying I was facing in school from the students in my school, I tried to commit suicide and wished to die. I did not succeed the original time. I used to simply feel so unloved, as my parents themselves were busy in their business concerns and financial downfall and unfortunately neglected me during the period I needed them the most. I felt so unloved and unhappy and abandoned. I suffered from severe depression and had to get counseling to become better until Masha-Allah Allah cured me of the depression after a struggle period. So, I empathize with you, my Sister. I understand what you are undergoing, and Insha-Allah, everything will pass just as it passed for me after a time.

My dear sister, I know Allah loves you because I used to think Allah must hate me to make me suffer so; so, as a child, I rejected the divine completely, rejecting religion because I was in so much pain. The truth was that I acted as if I hated everybody (and I did to some degree), but what no one could understand was that I hated myself the most (because I felt something must be wrong with me to render me so unlovable to people in my life such as my family and my peers who were mentally torturing me everyday in school).

Sister, I was not wise as you, and I did not have the resource like you do in this Forum. For most of my life, my Sister, I was like a wanderer. I kept wandering in search of happiness and peace and the last thing I thought was that I would find it in religion, least of all Islam.

Now, when I look back at the depression that I suffered and the struggles I underwent and the peace I had never found, I realize that all those moments were building blocks that Allah had created in His Wisdom and Mercy so that I could return to Him. Dear sister, perhaps you will not understand what I am about to say, but I will say this anyway, because maybe Allah will give you an understanding of what I wish to convey: “Troubles turn you into a treasure.” (Today, I am most grateful to Allah for those hardships, because I understand His wisdom Insha-Allah.)

My sister, you are precious, and one day, you will realize the beauty in these struggles and hardships because they build character. Sister, while we cannot always control what struggles we will undergo, we can control our response to those struggles. And what my great wish for you is that you will choose patience and hope.

Sister, too many things are happening presently in your life and you are bound to experience hormonal changes as well in your teen years as you grow into a beautiful, capable Muslimah Insha-Allah. So, some depression at this stage will be natural. However, to keep your depression from spiraling further, I ask that you please keep your thoughts focused on positives of your life. Sister, unless you transform your thoughts from negative to positive, you will not progress either spiritually or as a person. So, make sure to either make a list of all the things you are currently grateful for in your life and thank Allah for them in your prayers or simply go outside and contemplate the wonders of Allah like insects or other animals and heed lessons from their struggles. Insha-Allah, seeing gratefulness within you despite any problems you presently face will make Allah give you more of that which you would like in your life and take away that from within your life that you dislike.

Sister, anytime you feel overwhelmed, do not hesitate to come to this Forum and share your thoughts. Insha-Allah, brothers and sisters will be happy to give encouragement to their sweet young sister. My sister, you are not worthless. If you were worthless, I would not be here writing to you, as I am writing to you. Worthless is the life of this world, and wasted are the tears on its worthlessness. Instead, your tears, precious tears, save them to cry only to Allah.

Sister, find a hobby like a crafts or art or collection of some sort in which you can find passion, because that will Insha-Allah make you find a place of solace within yourself that you can slowly develop confidence in yourself and find what you like. Also, Sister, find biographies that you can read of inspiring people, whether of figures within Islam or famous and successful people; they will Insha-Allah encourage and inspire you.

Sister, one day, when I was in a market, though at that time I was still lost to Allah, I was still touched when I read this poem on one of the mirror frames, which I want to share with you (because even though a non-Muslim author wrote this, Insha-Allah this encompasses wisdom of knowing that Allah is with us and even closer than we can imagine during our troubles):

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from anguish,
sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints,
so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The years when you have seen only one set of footprints,
my child, is when I carried you.” Sister, finally, realize that whether people of this world befriend you or not, Allah Azwajjal is Insha-Allah a Forever Friend.

If I have said anything that is good and true, it is from Allah, and anything other than that is my own mistake.