I am afraid to talk with a local imam or scholar about this, because I am afraid he would shout at me. I also want to keep this a secret, because I've heard people who've been killed because they made public that they doubted religion. That's why I am seeking help online. I also posted many questions to an online-imam, on one of the Q&A-sites. I am also considering to discuss this with my mum, but I don't wanna dissapoint her making this known to her. I also want it to be clear that I didnt chose to doubt or question Islam. I always loved my religion. The doubt and the questions just pop up in my head and I cant be in peace with myself before I really try to settle this.