[LookSe]

Assalamualikum brothers and sisters.
This might turn out to be a long post so bear with me please. I am a weak confused muslim and may Allah forgive me for saying/writing anything that might be wrong.

Now let me try to make this short and come to my situation. Grown up on an unhealthy diet of Bollywood movies, friends who weren’t interested in religion, co-education, the dating culture – every wrong thing has shaped up my personality. But yet I realize that this is all wrong. Every time I try to change and stay on the right track, there is the initial positive peak where I try to pray with khushoo, recite Quran with understanding, but it lasts only a few days. I am just not consistent enough.

A year ago, I wanted to be a better muslim and follow the ways of my Prophet [Peace be upon him]. I wanted to keep a beard and my father didn’t agree to it [My dad has kept a beard after he has performed hajj in 1999]. He said, “You won’t get a good job. It will be tough on you if you plan to study abroad. No one will give you a good girl for marriage.” My father is a heart patient and he isn’t supposed to be taking tension. I gave in to dads demands and didn’t keep a beard. I still don’t have a beard. When I discussed this with my mother, she said there is an age for everything. Get married, go for hajj then keep a beard. No one says much when I ask them to guarantee that I live that long.

My fathers health has been detiorating and it has been happening for quite some time now but what is really bad is that his mental health is detioration. He keeps talking the whole day… some times telling the same thing 3-4 times to the same person. This happens almost on a daily routine. I try to be patient and try to listen with out getting frustrated but what has been disturbing is that he will say things outside the boundaries of Islam and some times says things that are akin to insulting the religion. It happened about two times back and when he insulted Islam I couldn’t take it anymore and replied back to him and then left the room. He didn’t speak to me for a whole day after that. I, meanwhile made sure to check on him, give him his medicines on time [though he didn’t take medicines when I gave] and prayed for him so that he gets better. I want to, at this point, mention that my father is religious. Its just that, I feel he is losing his mental stability. He will remind every one of their religious duties while sometimes ignoring his.

Recently a rishta [proposal] came for my sister and the guy has a beard. My sister doesn’t want to get married to some one with a beard [again Bollywood culture, sad I know]. I am encouraging her to change her mind. My father is forcing her to get married to him. And he says to her that you have no right to say no to that guy. Isn’t that wrong? Islam does permit the girl to say no. Now he wants my sister to marry a person who has a beard but he doesn’t want his son to have a beard because girls wont marry me then?! Why the double standards?

It is becoming increasingly difficult for me because I find myself to be lost. What do I do? Follow the commands of Allah regardless of what my family says? Yes that should be the right thing to do. But if tomorrow I start keeping a beard, and Allah forbid, do any sin, or miss/delay a prayer I know the amount of taunts I will have to hear. Please help me out brothers/sisters with advices and your hikmah. And remember me in your duas. Jazak Allah.

P.S. I may not have written this post to the best of my ability and/or left out some details. I am also scared if this is considered as gheeba, but I needed to discuss it and Allah knows best.