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**LookSe** · 07-15-2011, 06:51 AM

Brother, I agree with saeed_bakr. You should try to take your father to see a specialist, if you can afford it. I would start with that. But also be as kind and patient with him as possible. It seems his health is deteriorating fast. Not to be macabre, but who knows how long he will remain in this world?

As far as your sister goes, is the beard the only reason she doesn't want to marry that guy? If so, keep trying to bring her around. Point out his good qualities. I don't know where you guys live and if this would be appropriate in your country, but maybe give them some opportunities to talk to each other with (supervised, of course). Who knows, if she talks to him a few times, he might win her over. I'm assuming he's an otherwise well-mannered, educated guy? How old is your sister? Unless she's very young, women generally don't get too hung up over appearances. That's why you'll often see a beautiful woman with an average-looking, or even a below-average, fat, balding guy . If she gets a chance to sense that he's a good guy who will treat her well and love her, she'll get over the beard inshallah. Also, maybe the beard has given her the impression that he'll force her to be super-religious, so make sure she feels assured that won't be the case.

This might be hard with your father's mental state, but also try to explain to him not to force your sister. Tell him that if he forces her to do this, she will never be happy and she might curse him for the rest of her life. Is that really what he wants? On the other hand, if she feels that she's making the decision for herself, she'll be happy.

With regard to the beard, just start growing it. Even if you keep it short at first. Once you've had it for a while and they've gotten used to seeing you with it, they will stop bugging you to shave. At that point, they'll just insist that you keep it trimmed and "neat". You may have to comply with this for a while before you can start growing it long. I've been through the same thing (currently in the "keep it trimmed so it looks nice" phase). May Allah make it easy for us. Yes, you will have to endure the taunts and ridicule. You will have to be extra careful about not making mistakes, and you'll have to try extra hard to be successful in order to avoid the ridicule. Inshallah, by doing this you will earn Allah's love. And as my shaykh told me, at the end of the day, parents are parents. They'll come around. Especially the mother. To them, you are still their baby and they can't stay mad at you forever.

May Allah protect you and your family.

Assalamualikum brothers.
My elder sister and her husband are both doctors and they have tried telling him to see a doctor for his mental health but he doesn't agree. He says people have done magic on him [and unfortunately he has affected from it in the past too]. I try my best to be patient but my question is this...do I remain quite when he says things that are, for lack of a better word, unislamic?
I am trying to convince my sister about the guy. He is a doctor and she personally doesnt want to get married to a doctor [this she told us before this guy come]. Anyway she is studying currently so lets see how things go. May Allah lead to the best possible solution, in sha Allah.

As for the beard, I actually started with your advice a year back. When it was two weeks and I didnt shave, my father started telling me to shave it. When I said that I wanted to keep, for around 30-40 minutes he was kind of scolding me [not direct scolding though]. And he also said, "I know I am gaining sins if I stop you from keeping beard, but look at the times.... career, future, etc etc etc" Thats the day I realised how weak my imaan really is. I didnt een attempt to fight. I just gave in to demands.

These days dad is in our home country and I live in a different country. He will return in a week or so for a few days and then go back for treatment. I pray for his physical, mental and spiritual health. Ramdans also coming over and there is a voice from within me that says me to keep the beard. I dont know what to do. Please pray for my father everyone.

Jazak Allah Khair.

P.S. Thank you all the brothers that hae replied. May Allah bless us all. Aameen.

07-15-2011, 06:51 AM	#5
LookSe Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 550 Senior Member	Brother, I agree with saeed_bakr. You should try to take your father to see a specialist, if you can afford it. I would start with that. But also be as kind and patient with him as possible. It seems his health is deteriorating fast. Not to be macabre, but who knows how long he will remain in this world? As far as your sister goes, is the beard the only reason she doesn't want to marry that guy? If so, keep trying to bring her around. Point out his good qualities. I don't know where you guys live and if this would be appropriate in your country, but maybe give them some opportunities to talk to each other with (supervised, of course). Who knows, if she talks to him a few times, he might win her over. I'm assuming he's an otherwise well-mannered, educated guy? How old is your sister? Unless she's very young, women generally don't get too hung up over appearances. That's why you'll often see a beautiful woman with an average-looking, or even a below-average, fat, balding guy . If she gets a chance to sense that he's a good guy who will treat her well and love her, she'll get over the beard inshallah. Also, maybe the beard has given her the impression that he'll force her to be super-religious, so make sure she feels assured that won't be the case. This might be hard with your father's mental state, but also try to explain to him not to force your sister. Tell him that if he forces her to do this, she will never be happy and she might curse him for the rest of her life. Is that really what he wants? On the other hand, if she feels that she's making the decision for herself, she'll be happy. With regard to the beard, just start growing it. Even if you keep it short at first. Once you've had it for a while and they've gotten used to seeing you with it, they will stop bugging you to shave. At that point, they'll just insist that you keep it trimmed and "neat". You may have to comply with this for a while before you can start growing it long. I've been through the same thing (currently in the "keep it trimmed so it looks nice" phase). May Allah make it easy for us. Yes, you will have to endure the taunts and ridicule. You will have to be extra careful about not making mistakes, and you'll have to try extra hard to be successful in order to avoid the ridicule. Inshallah, by doing this you will earn Allah's love. And as my shaykh told me, at the end of the day, parents are parents. They'll come around. Especially the mother. To them, you are still their baby and they can't stay mad at you forever. May Allah protect you and your family. Assalamualikum brothers. My elder sister and her husband are both doctors and they have tried telling him to see a doctor for his mental health but he doesn't agree. He says people have done magic on him [and unfortunately he has affected from it in the past too]. I try my best to be patient but my question is this...do I remain quite when he says things that are, for lack of a better word, unislamic? I am trying to convince my sister about the guy. He is a doctor and she personally doesnt want to get married to a doctor [this she told us before this guy come]. Anyway she is studying currently so lets see how things go. May Allah lead to the best possible solution, in sha Allah. As for the beard, I actually started with your advice a year back. When it was two weeks and I didnt shave, my father started telling me to shave it. When I said that I wanted to keep, for around 30-40 minutes he was kind of scolding me [not direct scolding though]. And he also said, "I know I am gaining sins if I stop you from keeping beard, but look at the times.... career, future, etc etc etc" Thats the day I realised how weak my imaan really is. I didnt een attempt to fight. I just gave in to demands. These days dad is in our home country and I live in a different country. He will return in a week or so for a few days and then go back for treatment. I pray for his physical, mental and spiritual health. Ramdans also coming over and there is a voice from within me that says me to keep the beard. I dont know what to do. Please pray for my father everyone. Jazak Allah Khair. P.S. Thank you all the brothers that hae replied. May Allah bless us all. Aameen.
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