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**FYvWldC0** · 05-03-2011, 10:49 AM

Assalamualaikum,
I hope this reaches everyone in the best of health. I guess this is kind of a strange question to ask when introducing oneself. This piece is long, so please forgive me and bear with it please.

It's strange: for about 8 years, I've been meaning to tell this girl I grew up with how I felt, and unfortunately, did not as I was completely ignorant on what is technically halal and haram in terms of approaching someone for their hand in marriage and I never wanted to go in any "grey" territory. I know the basics, such as the no touching rule, no meeting alone rule, etc.... At the time, I had no job and I was going through school and wanted to be in a position where I could provide for her. About a year ago, I cried to Allah for sincere help as I was out of a job. I asked Allah to please provide me a job if she was the one I was supposed to be with and by Allah, I got an interview the next day at one of the world's biggest companies (They are within the top 20 tech companies... I don't want to give away too much ), AND I got the job within a matter of 2 weeks over MIT graduates! It was strange... I was/am currently giving more zakat and sadaqa than I ever have given in my life and that is not to show off, its just like I felt/feel that it is a sign from Allah to approach her for the intent of getting married and I really want to be with this person not only in this life, but in the akhirah as her husband. She inspired a lot of the sisters to wear hijab and stand for what is right and is a great inspiration to me. So, I talked to her Wali (her brother). He explained to me a situation that she went through where she did marry someone but the guy basically abandoned her. In the end, he gave me the okay to talk to her and he asked her on my behalf. She said no initially because our families are so close and unfortunately at the time, my sister and someone else we grew up with got a divorce. I tried to reassure her that could never happen since that situation was all bad from the get go as there was physical and mental abuse on behalf of the husband in that relationship and that she knows I'm not that type of guy. I've been making dua after every salat, even offering nafl salat and dua in the last 3rd of the nights. Once again, Im not saying this to show off or nothing: I just want to reiterate this is the person I really wish to be with. Fast forward a year later.... I'm still here and stuck in the same position. Unfortunately, the job I was at could not let me live a family life in reality (I was working almost 60-75 hours a week) and my work ended in January, but catch this, I make the exact same dua I made last year, and this time, I got a permanent job instead of a contract job and at an even better company. It's been a whole week since I started working here, but I am unsure as to how to procede. I can remain patient, but I also know others are approching the sister (I know this because some people just started mentioning her name and saying "Yeah, I'm going to try to holler at her... blah blah blah"... and it sucks, because these guys go to clubs and hang around girls A LOT, and can talk their way into girls hearts because lets face it, every Muslimah no matter who it is, if they see someone who will pose as a good Muslim and has the smooth talking AND good looks down, thats an easy yes for them). That is not to say I can't smooth talk but I CHOOSE not to for the sake of Allah. Unfortunately, I asked her 3 times total, and she said no on all three attempts. I could not find any hadith or anything that say I cannot ask her again, but I don't want to piss her off to a point where should would never speak to me as I have a feeling that she feels uncomfortable around me. I've made up my decision that if I can't get married to her, I won't get married honestly because I will always harbor those feelings I have and the amount of good deeds I've done during this last year, I can almost guarantee some people would not be able to do in a lifetime, and that is not to show off, but just to reiterate the type of effect this person has on me and it is for that reason that I want to marry her. I will continue to make dua that Allah unite our hearts as one InshAllah and take us both to Jannat-ul-Firdoz amongst the Prophets. I honestly need help from the brothers and sisters to try to find out what I can and should do Islamically to try to make this happen. Obviously, in the end, matters lie in the hands of Allah, but even knowing that, we have to believe in our dua and do EVERYTHING with what Allah has given us, so I'm not going to stop unless either one of 3 things happens:

1. She gets married to someone else and at that point I would have to give up.
2. We get married to each other (Best case scenario)
3. On a more morbid side, I die before I get the chance to marry her, in that case, may Allah marry us to each other in Jannat-Ul-Firdoz InshAllah.

That's pretty much it. I need advice, and this is the condensed version of the story. Nothing haram in the long version, it's just you guys would probably get tired of reading. Heck, you might even be tired from reading this version. But if anyone can advice me, may Allah reward you with Jannat-Ul-Firdoz. I am thinking of just going straight to her parents and talking with them directly to let them know of my intentions and that I am serious. BUT I also know that some Muslim girls do not like that. SOOOO, I need as much input from everyone as I can get InshAllah.

First and foremost tell me the girls name, because it seems that whenever you use her name and make dua its readily accepted. JK

Next remember the phenomenon of life - whatever you chase after runs further away from you. Whatever you run away from, runs after you. You understand?

Listen here bro, before we catch the bird we have to make a plan. You are right now just running around town like a chicken with its head cut off, this is going against you. First formulate a plan, line up the means, and then approach it. The girl has a very bad experience in marriage - so this is already going against you. She is very scared and hesitant, possibly she has lost trust on men altogether. You will have to always keep this in mind. You have 3 strikes against you, so you will have to tread very carefully. My advice is not to talk to her at all anymore. Approach the brother, tell him what has transpired if he doesnt already know. Tell him your sincere intentions and why you want to marry her. If you can get your parents on board then this is more appreciated. Then the two of you approach the parents together. Explain everything and see if they are interested. Let her family talk to her about the proposal, not you. Her family will have a greater influence on her than you.

Next, after setting up the means you will have to leave the result in the hands of Allah swt having hope in His being but also keeping in mind that Allah swt has every right to not make this proposal happen - in either case, if it works out or not, you will have to be pleased with Allah swt.

Finally, remember, shes not the only girl in the world. The Earth of Allah swt is vast, very vast, and there are many many good sisters out there with great personalities, religious minded, amazing manners and character, and very beautiful also. So if it doesnt work by chance, who cares? Remember the saying, "Tu nahin to aur koi sahih" - if not you then someone else.

05-03-2011, 10:49 AM	#25
FYvWldC0 Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 535 Senior Member	Assalamualaikum, I hope this reaches everyone in the best of health. I guess this is kind of a strange question to ask when introducing oneself. This piece is long, so please forgive me and bear with it please. It's strange: for about 8 years, I've been meaning to tell this girl I grew up with how I felt, and unfortunately, did not as I was completely ignorant on what is technically halal and haram in terms of approaching someone for their hand in marriage and I never wanted to go in any "grey" territory. I know the basics, such as the no touching rule, no meeting alone rule, etc.... At the time, I had no job and I was going through school and wanted to be in a position where I could provide for her. About a year ago, I cried to Allah for sincere help as I was out of a job. I asked Allah to please provide me a job if she was the one I was supposed to be with and by Allah, I got an interview the next day at one of the world's biggest companies (They are within the top 20 tech companies... I don't want to give away too much ), AND I got the job within a matter of 2 weeks over MIT graduates! It was strange... I was/am currently giving more zakat and sadaqa than I ever have given in my life and that is not to show off, its just like I felt/feel that it is a sign from Allah to approach her for the intent of getting married and I really want to be with this person not only in this life, but in the akhirah as her husband. She inspired a lot of the sisters to wear hijab and stand for what is right and is a great inspiration to me. So, I talked to her Wali (her brother). He explained to me a situation that she went through where she did marry someone but the guy basically abandoned her. In the end, he gave me the okay to talk to her and he asked her on my behalf. She said no initially because our families are so close and unfortunately at the time, my sister and someone else we grew up with got a divorce. I tried to reassure her that could never happen since that situation was all bad from the get go as there was physical and mental abuse on behalf of the husband in that relationship and that she knows I'm not that type of guy. I've been making dua after every salat, even offering nafl salat and dua in the last 3rd of the nights. Once again, Im not saying this to show off or nothing: I just want to reiterate this is the person I really wish to be with. Fast forward a year later.... I'm still here and stuck in the same position. Unfortunately, the job I was at could not let me live a family life in reality (I was working almost 60-75 hours a week) and my work ended in January, but catch this, I make the exact same dua I made last year, and this time, I got a permanent job instead of a contract job and at an even better company. It's been a whole week since I started working here, but I am unsure as to how to procede. I can remain patient, but I also know others are approching the sister (I know this because some people just started mentioning her name and saying "Yeah, I'm going to try to holler at her... blah blah blah"... and it sucks, because these guys go to clubs and hang around girls A LOT, and can talk their way into girls hearts because lets face it, every Muslimah no matter who it is, if they see someone who will pose as a good Muslim and has the smooth talking AND good looks down, thats an easy yes for them). That is not to say I can't smooth talk but I CHOOSE not to for the sake of Allah. Unfortunately, I asked her 3 times total, and she said no on all three attempts. I could not find any hadith or anything that say I cannot ask her again, but I don't want to piss her off to a point where should would never speak to me as I have a feeling that she feels uncomfortable around me. I've made up my decision that if I can't get married to her, I won't get married honestly because I will always harbor those feelings I have and the amount of good deeds I've done during this last year, I can almost guarantee some people would not be able to do in a lifetime, and that is not to show off, but just to reiterate the type of effect this person has on me and it is for that reason that I want to marry her. I will continue to make dua that Allah unite our hearts as one InshAllah and take us both to Jannat-ul-Firdoz amongst the Prophets. I honestly need help from the brothers and sisters to try to find out what I can and should do Islamically to try to make this happen. Obviously, in the end, matters lie in the hands of Allah, but even knowing that, we have to believe in our dua and do EVERYTHING with what Allah has given us, so I'm not going to stop unless either one of 3 things happens: 1. She gets married to someone else and at that point I would have to give up. 2. We get married to each other (Best case scenario) 3. On a more morbid side, I die before I get the chance to marry her, in that case, may Allah marry us to each other in Jannat-Ul-Firdoz InshAllah. That's pretty much it. I need advice, and this is the condensed version of the story. Nothing haram in the long version, it's just you guys would probably get tired of reading. Heck, you might even be tired from reading this version. But if anyone can advice me, may Allah reward you with Jannat-Ul-Firdoz. I am thinking of just going straight to her parents and talking with them directly to let them know of my intentions and that I am serious. BUT I also know that some Muslim girls do not like that. SOOOO, I need as much input from everyone as I can get InshAllah. First and foremost tell me the girls name, because it seems that whenever you use her name and make dua its readily accepted. JK Next remember the phenomenon of life - whatever you chase after runs further away from you. Whatever you run away from, runs after you. You understand? Listen here bro, before we catch the bird we have to make a plan. You are right now just running around town like a chicken with its head cut off, this is going against you. First formulate a plan, line up the means, and then approach it. The girl has a very bad experience in marriage - so this is already going against you. She is very scared and hesitant, possibly she has lost trust on men altogether. You will have to always keep this in mind. You have 3 strikes against you, so you will have to tread very carefully. My advice is not to talk to her at all anymore. Approach the brother, tell him what has transpired if he doesnt already know. Tell him your sincere intentions and why you want to marry her. If you can get your parents on board then this is more appreciated. Then the two of you approach the parents together. Explain everything and see if they are interested. Let her family talk to her about the proposal, not you. Her family will have a greater influence on her than you. Next, after setting up the means you will have to leave the result in the hands of Allah swt having hope in His being but also keeping in mind that Allah swt has every right to not make this proposal happen - in either case, if it works out or not, you will have to be pleased with Allah swt. Finally, remember, shes not the only girl in the world. The Earth of Allah swt is vast, very vast, and there are many many good sisters out there with great personalities, religious minded, amazing manners and character, and very beautiful also. So if it doesnt work by chance, who cares? Remember the saying, "Tu nahin to aur koi sahih" - if not you then someone else.
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