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**Poreponko** · 05-01-2011, 12:05 AM

so you are pretty much saying is you will live with a women you dont love or care for?

i rather be with some one whom i truly appreciate whom i can provide for whom i have genuine feelings for ..whom i truly connect

so you would rather live with some one and fake your emotions all your entire life?

isnt that the biggest lie?

you would rather have babies with some one whom u cant even look in her eyes and say i love you?

The bitter truth is brother that marriage is more than often never what we expect or hope for. That's probably why it is half our deen. It is a big test. Even if you were to marry someone you "connect" with, you will still have issues and problems and if you don't address these problems your marriage will slowly breakdown. Whether it is with your wife or someone else, bottom line is you have to work at marriage and not just expect everything to fall into place like a fairytale.

You don't necessarily have to love someone to be married to them. Love is something that grows with time. You say your wife is trying and you like that about her, so why not give it time? Why not focus on the other things that you like about her and give her a chance? She seems like she is willing to try. There are many people out there whose husbands/wives are not even willing to make a go of it and you are lucky that your wife tries to please you even though clearly you are not into her and she probably feels/knows that. Despite that she makes an effort with you. Doesn't that show you she is a good person? She could potentially be the perfect women for you but you have to #1 try and #2 give it time.

It very rarely happens that two people fall in love, marry and live happily ever after. There are a lot of sacrifices and compromises you have to make and a lot of effort has to be put in. Stop focusing on the way in which you got married (you say you were forced), instead look at what you have now in your wife and make sure things work. Do things together, just the two of you. This will give you both the opportunity to connect. You have to lead by taking a positive loving role as a husband and your wife is clearly willing to follow, combine that with good intentions to please Allah and surely Allah will help you both and make you both happy. ameen.

05-01-2011, 12:05 AM	#9
Poreponko Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 486 Senior Member	so you are pretty much saying is you will live with a women you dont love or care for? i rather be with some one whom i truly appreciate whom i can provide for whom i have genuine feelings for ..whom i truly connect so you would rather live with some one and fake your emotions all your entire life? isnt that the biggest lie? you would rather have babies with some one whom u cant even look in her eyes and say i love you? The bitter truth is brother that marriage is more than often never what we expect or hope for. That's probably why it is half our deen. It is a big test. Even if you were to marry someone you "connect" with, you will still have issues and problems and if you don't address these problems your marriage will slowly breakdown. Whether it is with your wife or someone else, bottom line is you have to work at marriage and not just expect everything to fall into place like a fairytale. You don't necessarily have to love someone to be married to them. Love is something that grows with time. You say your wife is trying and you like that about her, so why not give it time? Why not focus on the other things that you like about her and give her a chance? She seems like she is willing to try. There are many people out there whose husbands/wives are not even willing to make a go of it and you are lucky that your wife tries to please you even though clearly you are not into her and she probably feels/knows that. Despite that she makes an effort with you. Doesn't that show you she is a good person? She could potentially be the perfect women for you but you have to #1 try and #2 give it time. It very rarely happens that two people fall in love, marry and live happily ever after. There are a lot of sacrifices and compromises you have to make and a lot of effort has to be put in. Stop focusing on the way in which you got married (you say you were forced), instead look at what you have now in your wife and make sure things work. Do things together, just the two of you. This will give you both the opportunity to connect. You have to lead by taking a positive loving role as a husband and your wife is clearly willing to follow, combine that with good intentions to please Allah and surely Allah will help you both and make you both happy. ameen.
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