Thread: Marital problem
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Old 05-01-2011, 03:13 AM   #16
JNancy46

Join Date
Oct 2005
Posts
384
Senior Member
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First of all just want to thank you for taking the time out and giving me a real postive feed back..

we had an argument last night .. she said the same thing out loud
i can see how much ur trying i can see how hard is it for you
but i can also see its fake ..
its up to you .. if you want to part ways

i didnt know what to say to her..

i love her for being so understanding ..

i just dont want to be a bad person and break it up ..

in this culture back home ..its not a small thing
and i hate the word divorce ..

but what can i do .. my friend?
she doesnt loves me
i dont love her
we both are trying
i dont want to have kids because if i dont have that bond with the person who i wake up next too
i rather not have a kid until we both are ready ..

but .. honestly ..ask your self this?

would u wake up with some one you think u dont like or love or are attracted too?

i doubt it..


The bitter truth is brother that marriage is more than often never what we expect or hope for. That's probably why it is half our deen. It is a big test. Even if you were to marry someone you "connect" with, you will still have issues and problems and if you don't address these problems your marriage will slowly breakdown. Whether it is with your wife or someone else, bottom line is you have to work at marriage and not just expect everything to fall into place like a fairytale.

You don't necessarily have to love someone to be married to them. Love is something that grows with time. You say your wife is trying and you like that about her, so why not give it time? Why not focus on the other things that you like about her and give her a chance? She seems like she is willing to try. There are many people out there whose husbands/wives are not even willing to make a go of it and you are lucky that your wife tries to please you even though clearly you are not into her and she probably feels/knows that. Despite that she makes an effort with you. Doesn't that show you she is a good person? She could potentially be the perfect women for you but you have to #1 try and #2 give it time.

It very rarely happens that two people fall in love, marry and live happily ever after. There are a lot of sacrifices and compromises you have to make and a lot of effort has to be put in. Stop focusing on the way in which you got married (you say you were forced), instead look at what you have now in your wife and make sure things work. Do things together, just the two of you. This will give you both the opportunity to connect. You have to lead by taking a positive loving role as a husband and your wife is clearly willing to follow, combine that with good intentions to please Allah and surely Allah will help you both and make you both happy. ameen.
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