DiscussWorldIssues - Socio-Economic Religion and Political Uncensored Debate - View Single Post - Husband cheating on wife.. should I tell her?

**AnriXuinriZ** · 05-02-2011, 03:30 AM

thanks for the replies mates..

well I did tell my father but he refuses to do anything about it. my parents are the type of people who wouldn't care even if their siblings were serial killers.. they would still hide their acts. and that's just unfortunate..

well my grandfather passed away a long time ago and I don't think I should tell my grandmother cause first of all she lives in another country and she's in her late 80s and has a heart condition and I don't want to cause her to be sad or angry ..

my aunt is a really mature woman she's the boss in a big company and very mature and educated and I think she will handle the situation with maturity..

I just don't want Allah to be mad at me .. but not only am I upset over how my aunt is being treated but also I am concerned for my cousins because I do not want them to have to hear this from someone else and if my aunt knows she will be able to handle the situation I think..

From what I can see there are many points that need to be clarify as others said. You said you had evidence him cheating and you said flirting through fb.

If things , the cheating just happen only up to flirting through fb, than may be you need to be careful on trying to sort things out. Don't get me wrong, but you were saying that your aunt might be able to handle this maturely as she is a boss in a big company. From what I could see, marriage at some point can come into a problem not just when you living in western country but also in eastern country especially when a woman is a big boss in a company. She might have less time for the husband. A man when they reach over 40's, suddenly their hormone just tickle for some reason. They usually need woman which mean their wife more than ever to be on their side, comfort them and spend more time with them. if not, than if he didn't spend time and engage with islamic activities, than it's easy for him to fall out this way. And if this happen, for me it's not just a problem from man but also woman.

I know that man shouldn't cheat or flirt with other woman, but this things do happen for a reason from woman side. Of course we will feel sorry for the woman, as I am a woman as well, but from what I can see, man can be very demanding when they grow older in term of emotional and psychology, and if woman is a carrier woman, this will sometimes create a conflict, like I said if here are no islamic activities and environment especially in the house.

Secondly, there are many fake woman which is actually a man trying to fool people through scam message in fb and if the man are fool, they can easily trap into this business. And when you read the message, you will feel like the man is cheating on their wife.

if the man is actually cheating in fb only , than like I said, you have to handle the situation properly. Which for me, not to tell the husband or the wife that you know about this, but trying to while you chat with them intentionally talk about general man and woman relationship. Or if you can't , my advise better to bought them a book and talk to someone who older or same age as them with good Islamic background to chat without actually making them feel that there something wrong with them.

Because if there are no zina commit yet, or any physical activity happen, only chatting and flirting, than there are a chance to repair, and even if these people had seen each other without physical activity, than there are chance to repair because marriage is not easy to just broken like that and usually the reason is on both side. Successful marriage is not only laying on man, but also woman. Both has to make effort and sometimes one side has to make effort more depends on how strong each individual are.

For me, after 17 years marriage, I found my self still trying to make my marriage lively as much as I can. Although after 17 years I never take it easy. Marriage is an effort although we had life together for years and could say, with one eye, I could tell if my husband distress or not. But i am still and trying to understand him. Because age is really change people as our body change. I bet, if we still live in the next 20 years, I know that I might not still know him at some point and there will always be new challenge every day. it's weird and interesting to see how age can change what we used to be. And everyday is learning.

05-02-2011, 03:30 AM	#17
AnriXuinriZ Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 434 Senior Member	thanks for the replies mates.. well I did tell my father but he refuses to do anything about it. my parents are the type of people who wouldn't care even if their siblings were serial killers.. they would still hide their acts. and that's just unfortunate.. well my grandfather passed away a long time ago and I don't think I should tell my grandmother cause first of all she lives in another country and she's in her late 80s and has a heart condition and I don't want to cause her to be sad or angry .. my aunt is a really mature woman she's the boss in a big company and very mature and educated and I think she will handle the situation with maturity.. I just don't want Allah to be mad at me .. but not only am I upset over how my aunt is being treated but also I am concerned for my cousins because I do not want them to have to hear this from someone else and if my aunt knows she will be able to handle the situation I think.. From what I can see there are many points that need to be clarify as others said. You said you had evidence him cheating and you said flirting through fb. If things , the cheating just happen only up to flirting through fb, than may be you need to be careful on trying to sort things out. Don't get me wrong, but you were saying that your aunt might be able to handle this maturely as she is a boss in a big company. From what I could see, marriage at some point can come into a problem not just when you living in western country but also in eastern country especially when a woman is a big boss in a company. She might have less time for the husband. A man when they reach over 40's, suddenly their hormone just tickle for some reason. They usually need woman which mean their wife more than ever to be on their side, comfort them and spend more time with them. if not, than if he didn't spend time and engage with islamic activities, than it's easy for him to fall out this way. And if this happen, for me it's not just a problem from man but also woman. I know that man shouldn't cheat or flirt with other woman, but this things do happen for a reason from woman side. Of course we will feel sorry for the woman, as I am a woman as well, but from what I can see, man can be very demanding when they grow older in term of emotional and psychology, and if woman is a carrier woman, this will sometimes create a conflict, like I said if here are no islamic activities and environment especially in the house. Secondly, there are many fake woman which is actually a man trying to fool people through scam message in fb and if the man are fool, they can easily trap into this business. And when you read the message, you will feel like the man is cheating on their wife. if the man is actually cheating in fb only , than like I said, you have to handle the situation properly. Which for me, not to tell the husband or the wife that you know about this, but trying to while you chat with them intentionally talk about general man and woman relationship. Or if you can't , my advise better to bought them a book and talk to someone who older or same age as them with good Islamic background to chat without actually making them feel that there something wrong with them. Because if there are no zina commit yet, or any physical activity happen, only chatting and flirting, than there are a chance to repair, and even if these people had seen each other without physical activity, than there are chance to repair because marriage is not easy to just broken like that and usually the reason is on both side. Successful marriage is not only laying on man, but also woman. Both has to make effort and sometimes one side has to make effort more depends on how strong each individual are. For me, after 17 years marriage, I found my self still trying to make my marriage lively as much as I can. Although after 17 years I never take it easy. Marriage is an effort although we had life together for years and could say, with one eye, I could tell if my husband distress or not. But i am still and trying to understand him. Because age is really change people as our body change. I bet, if we still live in the next 20 years, I know that I might not still know him at some point and there will always be new challenge every day. it's weird and interesting to see how age can change what we used to be. And everyday is learning.
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