DiscussWorldIssues - Socio-Economic Religion and Political Uncensored Debate - View Single Post - why do men marry secret wives and how do they maintain fairness

**feAilei1** · 04-20-2011, 06:10 AM

I told u its done secret SOMETIMES so first wife don't go into shock - "hey I found a 20 year old girl u knw so and so? Ya, his daughter. I have my nikkah with her fri u can come." Doesn't sound too good.

But "hey r u happy?" "Of course I am ure the best husband." "Ok well for the past year I had 2nd wife, u know so and so? Ya, his daughter." Its easier to deal with.

Ijazat not needed itteyla is needed.

With all due respect, it may be easier for the husband to deal with the wife's reaction if he's had a year of enjoying his 2nd wife, but it won't necessarily be easier for the wife.

I've seen one sister completely lose her mind after her husband married secretly. She found out less than a week later, but she went completely insane.

Just imagine how it is for the sister who now knows that her husband has lied to her and kept a HUGE secret from her for an entire year. She knows that there are other people in her family, possibly his family, friends, and acquaintances who have known and didn't tell her. So now, this sister can't trust her husband, her family, his family, the people she considered her friends, the entire community. Maybe even her children if her husband allowed the children to meet the 2nd wife but had them keep it a secret. She's been lied to and betrayed by every person she knows. And it was carried out for an entire year or however long.... How is that easier?

Again, it may be easier for the husband, but it will most likely NOT be easier for the wife.

Being upfront is the best way. Yes, it takes more COURAGE, STRENGTH, PATIENCE, GENTLENESS, KINDNESS, and LOVE from the husband to do it this way, but if he wants more than one wife he'll have to have ample levels of those anyway.

If any man is too much of a coward and not man enough to be upfront about it, then he is probably not man enough to be a husband to more than one wife in the first place.

There is also the issue of fairness and justice. Unless the brother is normally away from his 1st family 1/2 of the time(for ex: working away in another city for 6 months then home for 6 months, etc.) it will be very difficult, if not impossible, for him to maintain any kind of fairness and uphold the wives' rights to equal time.

04-20-2011, 06:10 AM	#38
feAilei1 Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 405 Senior Member	I told u its done secret SOMETIMES so first wife don't go into shock - "hey I found a 20 year old girl u knw so and so? Ya, his daughter. I have my nikkah with her fri u can come." Doesn't sound too good. But "hey r u happy?" "Of course I am ure the best husband." "Ok well for the past year I had 2nd wife, u know so and so? Ya, his daughter." Its easier to deal with. Ijazat not needed itteyla is needed. With all due respect, it may be easier for the husband to deal with the wife's reaction if he's had a year of enjoying his 2nd wife, but it won't necessarily be easier for the wife. I've seen one sister completely lose her mind after her husband married secretly. She found out less than a week later, but she went completely insane. Just imagine how it is for the sister who now knows that her husband has lied to her and kept a HUGE secret from her for an entire year. She knows that there are other people in her family, possibly his family, friends, and acquaintances who have known and didn't tell her. So now, this sister can't trust her husband, her family, his family, the people she considered her friends, the entire community. Maybe even her children if her husband allowed the children to meet the 2nd wife but had them keep it a secret. She's been lied to and betrayed by every person she knows. And it was carried out for an entire year or however long.... How is that easier? Again, it may be easier for the husband, but it will most likely NOT be easier for the wife. Being upfront is the best way. Yes, it takes more COURAGE, STRENGTH, PATIENCE, GENTLENESS, KINDNESS, and LOVE from the husband to do it this way, but if he wants more than one wife he'll have to have ample levels of those anyway. If any man is too much of a coward and not man enough to be upfront about it, then he is probably not man enough to be a husband to more than one wife in the first place. There is also the issue of fairness and justice. Unless the brother is normally away from his 1st family 1/2 of the time(for ex: working away in another city for 6 months then home for 6 months, etc.) it will be very difficult, if not impossible, for him to maintain any kind of fairness and uphold the wives' rights to equal time.
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