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**ticfarentibia** · 09-10-2012, 08:04 AM

As salamu alaykum
Yes, they are newly married, without kids. The dress is the core issue, but overall she wants him to fit the 'normal' society of the country they are living in (her native country), both in terms of appearence and behavior. This brother don´t know what to do, he tried to speak with her and say it´s more close to the way that the prophet dressed and that it´s an important issue to him, it´s his identity, but she insists that he should adopt her cultural identity (despiste her being a practicising muslim, she seems to be very attached to her cultural identity).

It would be a different situation if it was a 'mere' difference of opinion in which she confined her protest to a discussion or something of that nature. However, as you describe it, she is fighting and creating chaos in the home. This is who she is, and he needs to realize this. While he should make dua, and be hopeful that her attitude is rectified - he should be well prepared to spend his life with more and more of the same. Especially, especially, since the range of issues she will have problems with is so broad - 'appearance and behavior' ... Basically his entire lifestyle, day in and day out, 24 hours a day there will be things that will be in conflict with their local society and culture.

He is afraid of being harsh and hurting her feelings too.

That's great. From what you describe, he has three options:
a) Cave in, compromise on deeni principles and practices, and keep peace in the home.
b) Stick to deeni principles and practices that conflict with local culture and customs ... and deal with conflict and resentment in his own home.

Basically, if he is the type of person who will NOT weaken and abandon deeni practices and progress due to the inevitable chance of depression and lack of peace at home .. suck it up and hope she'll change. Otherwise, think hard and strong about your future, your sanity, and the type of mother you want for your kids. True, life isn't long, but it does comprise of many thousands of days and nights ...

09-10-2012, 08:04 AM	#35
ticfarentibia Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 449 Senior Member	As salamu alaykum Yes, they are newly married, without kids. The dress is the core issue, but overall she wants him to fit the 'normal' society of the country they are living in (her native country), both in terms of appearence and behavior. This brother don´t know what to do, he tried to speak with her and say it´s more close to the way that the prophet dressed and that it´s an important issue to him, it´s his identity, but she insists that he should adopt her cultural identity (despiste her being a practicising muslim, she seems to be very attached to her cultural identity). It would be a different situation if it was a 'mere' difference of opinion in which she confined her protest to a discussion or something of that nature. However, as you describe it, she is fighting and creating chaos in the home. This is who she is, and he needs to realize this. While he should make dua, and be hopeful that her attitude is rectified - he should be well prepared to spend his life with more and more of the same. Especially, especially, since the range of issues she will have problems with is so broad - 'appearance and behavior' ... Basically his entire lifestyle, day in and day out, 24 hours a day there will be things that will be in conflict with their local society and culture. He is afraid of being harsh and hurting her feelings too. That's great. From what you describe, he has three options: a) Cave in, compromise on deeni principles and practices, and keep peace in the home. b) Stick to deeni principles and practices that conflict with local culture and customs ... and deal with conflict and resentment in his own home. Basically, if he is the type of person who will *NOT* weaken and abandon deeni practices and progress due to the inevitable chance of depression and lack of peace at home .. suck it up and hope she'll change. Otherwise, think hard and strong about your future, your sanity, and the type of mother you want for your kids. True, life isn't long, but it does comprise of many thousands of days and nights ...
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