[Rupeviv]

Ok, I am at a crossroads. I really enjoy kendo; here is the BUT I feel inadequate, like a mooch, and am physically falling apart. I am questioning if kendo is right for me.

I am from Michigan and in my area, we just got a tremedous increase in our heating costs which left me to tell my sensei that I could no longer afford to pay my dues. He being a wonderful man told me that he did not want to lose me because of money issues. I told him I would do extra around the dojo.

To make matters worse I have been battling with plantar faciitis and achilles tendonitis. There are days that I limp the entire day and am in constant pain. I have missed several practices and feel terrible. I work in a factory and have to be on my feet the entire time, I had to go part-time because of a disk problem in my neck.

I am feeling more depressed because there is a tournament that I wanted to participate in but because of the costs was unable to make the funds necessary. I was invited to an all woman's practice; it is about 3 hrs away and cannot afford the gas money.

I am the only girl in my dojo and feel like I am becoming a hindrence. I hurt most of the time, am physically not where I should be, so I get out of breath fast. I work out but it doesn't seem to help with my kendo endurance. We are a very small group and one of the other guys did tell me that I don't give myself enough credit, but I wonder why I keep going to get myself beat up every practice.

I am having a hard time seeing the positive right now as I am sure anyone that reads this can see.

Any girl power might help. I just feel so defeated. Do I need to take a break? I love my kendo brothers and love the art but don't like the pain. AHHHH!!! My heart hurts!!!!