[PypeMaypetasy]

Just keep training! Remember that the quality that makes us a good or a bad person in kendo is our hardworking training ethic. If I do a technique flawlessly (theoretical situation, "if I do a technique well" is better worded) I get a nod from the sensei here and that's it... well, sometimes a grunt too. If I do an insanely difficult, long kakarigeiko session and don't quit until they see I am on the verge of death (not really but you know what I mean) then they give more compliments and actually smile and are happy with me. It isn't talent or winning tournaments or anything else that get us credit in kendo, it is that fact that we keep showing up to the dojo. I am sure your sensei understand the difficulties of health and financial problems. I have never heard or seen anyone put down or thought of as a burden because they had these problems. It's only human. However... if you quit and stop coming permanently, I can imagine some disappointment in you from your dojomates and sensei.

To get past the issue of being really hard on yourself, just have fun with it. I am sure that you are being more hard on yourself than anyone else. If you can let go of that for a bit and just attend a practice, work hard, take breaks when you need to, but focus on simply enjoying it, it will help you understand why you kept doing kendo in the first place. Sometimes when I am discouraged at my performance or progress (or lack thereof) I will spend a practice not thinking about how bad I am doing but telling myself that I am just gonna have fun today. No thinking, just doing and having fun. After these types of practices, I remember why I enjoy kendo and the company of everyone in the dojo and it helps to re energize me and become positive again. Go to your next training session when you can and just let it all go and have fun and see if it helps to refocus on why you are doing this...

I'm not a girl, but I hope this helps.