[Vomephems]

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $4.00 apiece on those
> little bottles of Evian water?
> Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
>
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>
> 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
> section in a swimming pool?
> >
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 3. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that
> one enjoys it?
>
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>
> 4. There are three religious truths:
> a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
> b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
> Christian faith.
> c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store.
>
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>
> 5. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
> Holland
> called Holes?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 6. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~! *~*~*~*
>
> 7. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just
stale
> bread to begin with?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person
> who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
>
> * ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 9. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
>
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>
> 10. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
> follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys
> deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
> depressed?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*! ~*~*~*~*
>
> 11. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
>
>
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>
> 12. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
>
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>
> 13. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald
men?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 14. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole
> lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ...they're cramming
> for their final exam.
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
> spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Japanese mothers use?
> toothpicks?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> 16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
> are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
> pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while
> they deliver the mail?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 17. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly
> are the others here for?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 18. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
>
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>
> 19. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
> zigzag?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 20. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
> ?
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> 21. As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put
> the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells!
> "THEIRS"?
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


cheers Michael