[OgrGlgHu]

So do you agree that Al Gore actually won the election and George Dubbya stole it off him (with the help of Bro Jeb)?

If so, it must be time for this oldie-but-goodie...

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Notice of Revocation of Independence
To the citizens of the United States of America:
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today, 8th November, 2000.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchal duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories, except Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your new Prime Minister (for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders, that is the Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will inform Microsoft on your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You will stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nannies). We are
hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
7. You will conform with British and world practice on the following topics within the times specified:
a) Dates expressed numerically will either be of the form DD/MM/YYYY or YYYY/MM/DD, with immediate effect.
For example, any of the following ways of expressing 8th November, 2000 will be acceptable:
8/11/2000 08/11/2000 2000/11/08 8 xi 2000 8th November, 2000
The month-day-year format (for example, expressing 8th November, 2000 as 11/8/00) causes confusion and will no longer be tolerated. When expressing dates long-hand, you will use ordinal numbers. For example, you would not say "8 November", so you will no longer write it as such.
b) The practice of using a temperature scale based on the freezing point of sea-water as 0 and the blood temperature of a healthy chicken as 100 will cease with effect from 01/01/2001. The rest of the world has been using a more modern system based on 0 and 100 representing the freezing and boiling points of water respectively for years now and it's high time you caught up. For the 97.85% of you who are unaware that there
is a 'rest of the world', the scale you will change to is called Celsius (or Centigrade). You may like to know that Germany, one of whose citizens devised your old scale, was one of the first countries to abandon it.
c) Other weights and measures will eventually become metric, but in the mean time, you are required to stop short-changing customers with your own smaller units of capacity and weight, with immediate effect. We refer,
of course, to your quart, gallon and ton. The correct units that will be used are:
1 quart = 40 fluid ounces (not 32)
1 gallon = 8 pints or 4 proper quarts (not small ones)
1 ton = 2240 pounds (not 2000)
d) In common with over 90% of the rest of the world, you will use standard 'A' series paper sizes, the commonest of which is A4. Your 'US letter' size is too short and too wide - please note this is not a personal comment. This will take effect fom 01/01/2001. We will require Microsoft to change templates for its 'Office' software to default to A4 paper size and, of course, 'proper' English as the default language, by that date.
e) As from 01/01/2001, you will use the internationally-accepted practice of terminating your website and email addresses with a country code. You were allocated one (.us) when these things were internationally agreed. The 'dot-com' address is reserved to signify an international company, not a two-men-and-a-dog outfit in a garage somewhere in California.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you a German car, you will understand what we mean.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
The editor of CNN News has been copied with this directive and is required to televise it to ensure its transmission to all citizens.
Thank you for your co-operation.
HRH
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