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**Juersdodfs** · 11-06-2006, 12:02 AM

I'm not sure that's always true. I'm sure there are many situations where keeping quiet is best for all involved. If someone made a mistake years ago, but everything is OK right now, why spoil it by dragging all that up? People change, and just because someone made a mistake, doesn't mean they have to admit it to get over it. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

A guilty conscience can get the better of blissful ignorance though, keeping a secret like that can come with a lot of guilt- unless one is not able to express themselves because of fear and guilt, their mental health may deterioriate and even more issues in their family life may arise out of this that may put their whole family life at risk.

I once knew a girl who cheated on her boyfriend, it was just a stupid mistake she made when their relationship became strained due to financial issues- she kept the secret inside her because she was afriad of what she would lose if he knew the truth, she did not want to lose him because she still deeply loved him.
She managed to keep the secret in her for a long time, but her guilt and depression began to consume her and she tried to commit suicide numerous times... Eventually she managaed to come out about the secret- of course, things were not good at first, but she worked hard for a long and managed to gain the understanding and trust she needed from her boyfriend eventually.
I think people feel guilt for a good reason- if you feel guilty over actions you have done that were wrong, at least to me it proves you are not heartless. If you don't feel guilt over somthing you have done wrong, there's obviously some big issues there that need to be dealt with.

Affairs don't happen for no reason- sure, there are a few who cheat purely out of selfishness, jealousy or hate etc- but i believe that in vast majority of cases, its usually down to more deep issues in a relationship that have not been adressed...Cheating is wrong, there's no doubt about that, but i do think it can often be forgiveable depending on the circumstances.

I'm still young, but in my life so far i have always found that in the end, honesty is always the best policey. I am not a lier, but i have lied in my life so far at various points like anybody else- and i have learnt the hard way that no good comes of lies, even if you intend it to.
And so i advise others, that if they do lie, that they should come out about those lies and be honest even if they are dreading those consequences about coming out about their lies- but if they do, then at least they can say they stopped the lies, and can really make a proper honest start at being honest.

There's another thing though Tsuyoiko- say we come across the situation where a women had a stupid short affair with a man while she was married and trying for a baby. Say the baby is not of her husbands, but of the man she had the affair with- but she does not tell her husband because she fears breaking his heart because of her stupid actions.
So she goes through with the pregnancy, living the lie, raising the child with her husband.

What if the man she had the affair with has a change of heart and decides to tell her husband? All hell will break lose.
If she came out about the lie and was honest before hand, sure there would be hurt, but at least she would have become honest. But if another comes out about the truth before she does, then the situation will be hundreds of times harder to deal with, the hurt even greater...The longer you lie, the harder things become to deal with.

I'm not saying i have all the answers, i don't...But...I think even if you have been living a long lie, its never too late to become honest...And that honesty is always the best policey over lies...Honesty takes courage. Your bad actions may hurt others, but you still need to take responsability for them. I think the person who has an affair but manages to come out about it to their partner, is a strong person- its easy to walk away from somone, but it takes a lot of strength to take responsability for your actions, particually for the ones that were mistakes.
I also think we sometimes underestimate how understanding, forgiving, compassionate and tolerating others can be at times- in this way, maybe we take them for granted?

11-06-2006, 12:02 AM	#8
Juersdodfs Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 466 Senior Member	I'm not sure that's always true. I'm sure there are many situations where keeping quiet is best for all involved. If someone made a mistake years ago, but everything is OK right now, why spoil it by dragging all that up? People change, and just because someone made a mistake, doesn't mean they have to admit it to get over it. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. A guilty conscience can get the better of blissful ignorance though, keeping a secret like that can come with a lot of guilt- unless one is not able to express themselves because of fear and guilt, their mental health may deterioriate and even more issues in their family life may arise out of this that may put their whole family life at risk. I once knew a girl who cheated on her boyfriend, it was just a stupid mistake she made when their relationship became strained due to financial issues- she kept the secret inside her because she was afriad of what she would lose if he knew the truth, she did not want to lose him because she still deeply loved him. She managed to keep the secret in her for a long time, but her guilt and depression began to consume her and she tried to commit suicide numerous times... Eventually she managaed to come out about the secret- of course, things were not good at first, but she worked hard for a long and managed to gain the understanding and trust she needed from her boyfriend eventually. I think people feel guilt for a good reason- if you feel guilty over actions you have done that were wrong, at least to me it proves you are not heartless. If you don't feel guilt over somthing you have done wrong, there's obviously some big issues there that need to be dealt with. Affairs don't happen for no reason- sure, there are a few who cheat purely out of selfishness, jealousy or hate etc- but i believe that in vast majority of cases, its usually down to more deep issues in a relationship that have not been adressed...Cheating is wrong, there's no doubt about that, but i do think it can often be forgiveable depending on the circumstances. I'm still young, but in my life so far i have always found that in the end, honesty is always the best policey. I am not a lier, but i have lied in my life so far at various points like anybody else- and i have learnt the hard way that no good comes of lies, even if you intend it to. And so i advise others, that if they do lie, that they should come out about those lies and be honest even if they are dreading those consequences about coming out about their lies- but if they do, then at least they can say they stopped the lies, and can really make a proper honest start at being honest. There's another thing though Tsuyoiko- say we come across the situation where a women had a stupid short affair with a man while she was married and trying for a baby. Say the baby is not of her husbands, but of the man she had the affair with- but she does not tell her husband because she fears breaking his heart because of her stupid actions. So she goes through with the pregnancy, living the lie, raising the child with her husband. What if the man she had the affair with has a change of heart and decides to tell her husband? All hell will break lose. If she came out about the lie and was honest before hand, sure there would be hurt, but at least she would have become honest. But if another comes out about the truth before she does, then the situation will be hundreds of times harder to deal with, the hurt even greater...The longer you lie, the harder things become to deal with. I'm not saying i have all the answers, i don't...But...I think even if you have been living a long lie, its never too late to become honest...And that honesty is always the best policey over lies...Honesty takes courage. Your bad actions may hurt others, but you still need to take responsability for them. I think the person who has an affair but manages to come out about it to their partner, is a strong person- its easy to walk away from somone, but it takes a lot of strength to take responsability for your actions, particually for the ones that were mistakes. I also think we sometimes underestimate how understanding, forgiving, compassionate and tolerating others can be at times- in this way, maybe we take them for granted?
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