[Axxflcaj]

JazakAllah Khair. I truly appreciate all your replies.

I really do love my mother and think the world of her but we don't see eye to eye or much anymore. I have hurt her so much in the past too and I heard her telling my sister that.

PLease make Dua for me. I couldn't face the idea of going up to her and talking to her when she might still be angry with me so I've written her a letter just apologising for things I said tonight and in the past and explained to her that I do really love her but I have a problem controlling my anger and I am going to Insha Allah keep working on it. Please make Dua that she accepts it and things get better between us. It's a horrible feeling fighting with your own mother and knowing that you are the one in the wrong too completely.

Shouting at mum is unacceptable at ALL times and frequent decompensation and angers at one whose role is so honorable in Islam is just unacceptable. I know Brother I tell myself this all the time. Ever since I started this thread I've been trying some of the things like just remaining quiet at times of anger and the other night Insha Allah I think it worked but then it feels like I also hold it as a grudge and then later on it builds up and explodes (like tonight). Insha Allah I'm leaving to go back to UK in ten days time and i am thinking of trying to see a councellor for some anger management or something.

I am really worried about the letter though. Please make Dua.

I have so much to be grateful for in this life as Brother PLuto mentioned too. And honestly I feel like such a hypocrite every time I lose my temper. Like I make a big deal of eating halal always in the house, or about listening to music or getting a boyfriend etc! But I am ignoring one of the most important things in Islam which is to not get angry ESPECIALLY at your parents.

I am going to keep trying. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement and just listening.