[car.insur]

A lawful marriage in Islam consists of an offer and acceptance between the man and the 'wali' of the woman. Given that the woman consents to the actions of the 'wali', then that constitutes the 'consent' towards sexual relations.

'Rape' is a legal description of sexual intercourse WITHOUT consent.

So it is NOT right to compare them. Alhmadullilah, the members have given some links as to the best way to deal with this issue, and such links will be helpful in this case.

But, if we wish to get into the very fine legalities of the matter (and Insha Allah I will be corrected if I am wrong), the effectualization of the marriage itself means that the man can enjoy his wife whenever he wants, because the marriage contract gives him the right over her body (i.e. those parts necessary for satisfaction) once the ammount of Mahr has been paid.

(As an aside, we should keep in mind that in Islam, just because something is assumed to be yours (such as your body, your wealth, etc.) it does not mean that the right to decide what to do with it is automatically yours in all cases. This is not a big issue in marriage in fact, but it is of importance when we consider other things such as slavery, etc. The thinking is quite different from that of non-Muslim societies, and I believe that at the very beginning we should discuss the overall truth of Islam rather than these specific cases).

There may have been a refusal from part of the prospective bride before the marriage (and even that is contested by some of our 'Ulama, whether the absolute right is with the woman or with her father), but once she agress to marry the man for the specified ammount, she has basiccaly said that she allows for spousal relations at any time for as long as the marriage is there. This is one of the reasons why the bride and groom should know all the Fiqhi matters of marriage before going ahead with such things, otherwise they wil not know what are the rights and responsibilities of each side, or the technical details related to each issue, and it goes without saying that in such a case fully consentual marriages will be more favored (rather than just receiving a call from yor elders that youw ill get married on such and such date).

Of course, all of this is totally againt the Western mode of thinking about relations, since for them "consent" rather than "divinely sanctioned contract" is what is preponderant. This leads not only to normal adultery, but also homosexuality, incest, and worse things which we may see in the future (this is obvious, because if I can consent with any willing woman, then why not with a willing man, one of my willing relatives, or even a willing animal?)