AA Brothers and Sisters, I am struggling with my deen, the waswas has intensified to the point I feel now all the bad thoughts I am having about Allah SWT are voluntarily. I feel so hopeless and defeated for I know deep down in my heart that Allah has made Islam easy yet I have turned something with ease to become so difficult on myself. I love Allah with all my soul and the fact that I somewhat feel I've betrayed Allah makes me upset at myself. I sometimes wish life could rewind back to last year when I use to put all my trust in Allah on any small or big matter. I try to keep my mind busy on proactive and useful matters but it just keeps coming again and again. Alhamduilah my anxiety and fears have gone away but sometimes I think maybe Allah has removed the anxieties away from me in this life only to punish me in the next life. I really need encouragement and support and I can't really speak this to my family because I fear that they might think I am a weak Muslimah. I pray for Allah to keep the believing men and believing woman to remain steadfast in their deen and die as true Muslims Inshallah