Bro Saad for your brief concise reply. respected brother Al-Faruqi for your conscientiously detailed reply: Somehow or other I'm going to have to re-learn almost everything from scratch - for the second time!
Could it be that one of the reasons that people are so relaxed about the beard issue in Turkey is because they HAVE to be, because otherwise they are branded anti-Ataturk traitors - forget the fact that they can'T work for the state, and all imams and muftis are forbidden to have beards? I'm trying to make husnu-zan here (good assumptions!!).
Can the breakdown of one major Sunnah trigger the breakdown of many other Sunnah, Vajip and Fardh, like dominos? We see it indivivually - could it happen collectively as well, so that banning one Sunnah could trigger the abandoning and neglecting of many Sunnah and Fardh - even embarrassment about associating with people who say loudly "Bismillahirrahmanirrahim" frequently!!
It seems that I hear so many people say, in response to one of my "is so-and-so fardh/ haram/ halal" questions - "Well, look at ME, I only go to the mosque at Ramazan, it's a miracle that we even perform Salah nowadays, our Prophet predicted that these days would come, it's a sign of the times... May Allah forgive us *sigh*".... Like, "Hey, in an ideal world we'd all follow the Sunnah, but what can we do, this breakdown of Islam was pre-ordained, we're just victims!"
It's got to the point where I hardly dare open my mouth to ask or talk about Sunnah or Sharia, for fear of appearing to be criticizing the entire nation, their government, their revered dead leaders, their traditions, their families, their role models, etc.
As for perennialism - here it's called "ilm-i siyaset", as far as I can see. Intentional and wise diplomacy. Not antagonizing the non-Muslims, the liberal Muslims, the atheists, the potential Muslims. Not "scaring people off" by growing beards or wearing hijab, not "putting people off our religion", not "giving the impression that we're fanatics/ uneducated/ ignorant/ anti-Western/ whatever." On a personal interaction level, not "risking being the cause of the person's nafs to rebel by advising good or warning against bad".
So it seems that widespread perennialism results in a very strange, topsy-turvy kind of situation. Good is bad, religion is tolerated, Sunnah is old-fashioned and embarassing, Sharia is fanatical and extremist, and YOU ARE A POTENTIAL SINNER to outwardly support these things (because you might put other Muslims off Islam). I'm not talking about rushing around waving a sword and screaming "Death to all kaffir!!" I'm talking about hesitatingly suggesting that maybe it might be a good thing to spend less time with drunken, foul-mouthed non-Muslims, for example.
Aaargh. May Allah grant me the wisdom, and wise friends, to help me sort out the extremists from the devout, the tolerant from the deviant. And to find role-models who please Him, and to be a good role-model myself eventually one day, Insh'Allah.
To summarize: should I conclude that the majority of Muslims around me (let's forget the non-Muslims for the moment) are not presenting a good example - with regards to perennialism, for instance? Wouldn't this be a judgmental and arrogant conclusion? And if all these "tolerant" Muslims are bad role models, who should a revert sister's role models be? The wives of our prophet , who lived and died so many centuries ago?
And - How do you know the difference between tolerance/ good manners and perennialism?