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**TughEmotteTug** · 07-05-2007, 04:46 AM

So.....you live in the moment, enjoying everything that there is to experience right now. There is no past, no future, less garbage in your head. You read that you should do this to live a happier life.

How do you know when to pay your bills and budget for them? How do you plan for your retirement? When do you think about getting ready for work? For that matter, doesn't driving there require that you think about the street you'll turn down next? Or seeing the traffic light ahead and thinking that it's turning red? You receive a phone call at home, you're invited to go to dinner a few days later. How do you remember to look at the calendar or search your mind for the date and time when it's time to go?

We have to plan on some things, but those things are based on HOPES, not actualities. The future hasn't happened yet. How many times have you budgeted for something in the future, then had things happen that blew your budget to smithereens? How many times have you planned on a trip, only to have the whole thing fall through? If we realize that they are just hopes, they don't end up taking us to the pits of despair. If we don't, we end up just getting more and more stressed.

Most people live more in the past than in the future. But I have a psychologist friend who helps married couples that are having severe problems. For the first meeting, he takes them in and tells them that there is only one rule for that meeting...neither can talk about anything that happened in the past or might happen in the future. Then he asks each of them what is bothering them "right now". Most of the hour is spent with him telling them that they are dwelling in the past or future. It is amazing how many 'destroyed' marriages he has helped putting back together, using this technique, once he gets through to people that the majority of problems they have, real or imagined, is linked to past or future, but virtually none are problems from right NOW.

07-05-2007, 04:46 AM	#10
TughEmotteTug Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 503 Senior Member	So.....you live in the moment, enjoying everything that there is to experience right now. There is no past, no future, less garbage in your head. You read that you should do this to live a happier life. How do you know when to pay your bills and budget for them? How do you plan for your retirement? When do you think about getting ready for work? For that matter, doesn't driving there require that you think about the street you'll turn down next? Or seeing the traffic light ahead and thinking that it's turning red? You receive a phone call at home, you're invited to go to dinner a few days later. How do you remember to look at the calendar or search your mind for the date and time when it's time to go? We have to plan on some things, but those things are based on HOPES, not actualities. The future hasn't happened yet. How many times have you budgeted for something in the future, then had things happen that blew your budget to smithereens? How many times have you planned on a trip, only to have the whole thing fall through? If we realize that they are just hopes, they don't end up taking us to the pits of despair. If we don't, we end up just getting more and more stressed. Most people live more in the past than in the future. But I have a psychologist friend who helps married couples that are having severe problems. For the first meeting, he takes them in and tells them that there is only one rule for that meeting...neither can talk about anything that happened in the past or might happen in the future. Then he asks each of them what is bothering them "right now". Most of the hour is spent with him telling them that they are dwelling in the past or future. It is amazing how many 'destroyed' marriages he has helped putting back together, using this technique, once he gets through to people that the majority of problems they have, real or imagined, is linked to past or future, but virtually none are problems from right NOW.
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