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Good Evening Mardale,

This topic of death is what actually led me to discovering Buddhism. No one can imagine the despair or suffering you are experiencing and I know its hard but you must realize everything is impermanent. This world, the rocks, the ocean, everything you consider life will be change and eventually die. You need to know this and not see this as a negative thing. Which is hard in our culture today because there are so many materialistic things that make us feel as if we're immortal, as if we will never lose. The best way I have come to accept and embrace this as not a negative part of life is thinking of it like this: Yesterday was yesterday and Today is today. When its today, things are different, in a sense yesterday has died, it has changed form and became something else. TOnce you realize impermanence, youre suffering will end and you will feel at peace and liberated. Please understand that I am trying to help and truly wish the best for you. Continue practicing, meditating and learning and you will grow.