[Thifiadardivy]

I am forcing myself into a weaker position, if this makes sense.

hi nVee

sure. your post makes sense

in my experience, when we first engage in spirituality, we can be a bit 'hypersensitive', due to aspiring to be humble. but, as experience & understanding grow, we realise there are times we must adhere very strongly to our values, particularly in worldly environments, such as the workplace, career, etc. thus it comes to the art of negotiation & presentation and, at times, strong respect for our views & strong acknowledgement of the views of others, when they differ. for example, in my job, i must make decisions that affect people strongly & i take a strong personal/ethical stand when required

Regarding protectiveness, we recently had an incident in our family where one of my close relatives was "tricked" (for a lack of a better word) by another family member. As this person is very close to me, and understanding that she out of best interest would not make anything out of this, rather put herself in a very unsuitable financial situation, I felt obligated to step in. I did not, and thus far have been able to not intervene, but as I feel protective over the family member, I am not at peace with the situation. I understand that this matter is regarding finances, but my relative really relies on the finances for her well-being and it breaks me to see her in such a position. again, these are moral issues. when in comes to moral issues, in buddhism, we try to do our best to do the right thing. however, if we wish to help another but they do not see eye to eye with us, then, in buddhism, we try to develop equinimity, i.e., impart responsibility upon the other

I think at a base level, I feel that I still daily get sucked in with worldy worries, and at core I do not want this to consume the strength or viewpoints I have got to thus far, I am torn between 2 worlds and I understand at core what I need to strive towards, but I need to find a balance where I can get inner peace. I hope this gives you a bit better insight as to my situation thanks, nVee. as i said, when we begin to seek peace, often we are suspending our judgments. but, in time, we will realise we must fall back on a moral/ethical values rather than totally suspend judgment.

kind regards

element