[ZesePreodaNed]

Thank you both. That does help it to be much clearer.

Doctor's said when I was baby if I had been born just a few years sooner, due to lack of medical technology, I would have passed away as a baby. The thing with vacterl association is each letter stands for something different, it's an acronym, and there are different things associated with each letter and different severities (and you only need 3 of the letters to be diagnosed with it but I got all) so really no 2 people with vacterl association are exactly the same with medical issues. However that's not really important in this case.

Thank you both for responding and it does make it much clearer to me now. I will definitely continue to research and start meditating. I've meditated before, unrelated to Buddhism, just not much and really have wanted to get back to that. I just keep making excuses that really don't matter and i'm not even sure why.