[BliliBoopsy]

I don't trust my own self. I've had enough. This is horrible. If i have to be annihilated by a black void to end this fearful dilemma, then i will look inside. I'm here to take on a spiritual journey, if it means the end of me. Any help will be appreciated.

hi friend

if your post is genuine then meditation is the start of the journey; simply observing our natural breathing, until the mind feels peace

when the mind feels genuine peace, the existential nightmare will end forever

peace does exist because those that have experienced what you described in your post have also found peace

every form of suffering & lack of happiness is created by the mind's thinking & can be resolved by the mind's change of focus

kind regards

element