DiscussWorldIssues - Socio-Economic Religion and Political Uncensored Debate - View Single Post - Compassion-advice would be welcome...

**KlaraNovikoffa** · 04-06-2012, 05:40 PM

Hi Joan, its good to hear from you again.

I think you're being rather hard on yourself. Its not always easy when one has experienced pain from negative relationships at one time or another. Relaxing and just accepting that you have some difficulties - and patiently continuing with the the practice of Metta which includes goodwill towards yourself and others without any particular expection of outcomes, would be good.

As far as feelings of guilt are concerned, I like what Ajahn Sumedho has to say in "Attending to the Here and Now" :

....I also hear people suffering a lot about things they’ve done or things they shouldn’t have done—mistakes, crimes, terrible things they said in the past. They can become obsessed because once they start remembering the mistakes of the past it creates a whole mood. All the guilty moments of the past can come flooding back in and destroy one’s life in the present. Many people end up stuck in a very miserable hell realm that they’ve created for themselves.

But this is all happening in the present, which is why this present moment is the door to liberation. It’s the gate to the Deathless. Awakening to this is not suppressing, denying, dismissing, defending, justifying, or blaming; it is what it is, attending to a memory. “This is a memory” is an honest statement. It’s not a dismissal of the thought, but it’s no longer regarding it with such personal attachment. Memories, when seen clearly, have no essence. They dissolve into thin air.

Try taking a guilty memory and deliberately sustaining it. Think of some terrible thing you’ve done in the past, then determine to keep it in your consciousness for five minutes. By trying to keep thinking about it, you will find how difficult it is to sustain. But when that same memory arises and you resist it or wallow in it or believe in it, then it can hang around the whole day.

A whole lifetime can be filled with guilt and remorse.

http://www.dhammatalks.net/Books3/Aj...re_and_Now.htm

Some advice from Pema Chodron about "Idiot Compassion" and abusive relationships:

http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/qa5.php

...and a useful article from Ajahn Jayasaro about wisdom and compassion "Wings of the Eagle"

http://www.dhammatalks.net/Books5/Aj..._the_Eagle.htm

Hope that helps a little.

with kind wishes,

Aloka :hug:

04-06-2012, 05:40 PM	#2
KlaraNovikoffa Join Date Oct 2005 Location USA Posts 430 Senior Member	Hi Joan, its good to hear from you again. I think you're being rather hard on yourself. Its not always easy when one has experienced pain from negative relationships at one time or another. Relaxing and just accepting that you have some difficulties - and patiently continuing with the the practice of Metta which includes goodwill towards yourself and others without any particular expection of outcomes, would be good. As far as feelings of guilt are concerned, I like what Ajahn Sumedho has to say in "Attending to the Here and Now" : ....I also hear people suffering a lot about things they’ve done or things they shouldn’t have done—mistakes, crimes, terrible things they said in the past. They can become obsessed because once they start remembering the mistakes of the past it creates a whole mood. All the guilty moments of the past can come flooding back in and destroy one’s life in the present. Many people end up stuck in a very miserable hell realm that they’ve created for themselves. But this is all happening in the present, which is why this present moment is the door to liberation. It’s the gate to the Deathless. Awakening to this is not suppressing, denying, dismissing, defending, justifying, or blaming; it is what it is, attending to a memory. “This is a memory” is an honest statement. It’s not a dismissal of the thought, but it’s no longer regarding it with such personal attachment. Memories, when seen clearly, have no essence. They dissolve into thin air. Try taking a guilty memory and deliberately sustaining it. Think of some terrible thing you’ve done in the past, then determine to keep it in your consciousness for five minutes. By trying to keep thinking about it, you will find how difficult it is to sustain. But when that same memory arises and you resist it or wallow in it or believe in it, then it can hang around the whole day. A whole lifetime can be filled with guilt and remorse. http://www.dhammatalks.net/Books3/Aj...re_and_Now.htm Some advice from Pema Chodron about "Idiot Compassion" and abusive relationships: http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/qa5.php ...and a useful article from Ajahn Jayasaro about wisdom and compassion "Wings of the Eagle" http://www.dhammatalks.net/Books5/Aj..._the_Eagle.htm Hope that helps a little. with kind wishes, Aloka :hug:
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