[MannyLopez]

I've reached a point of pause in my studies. While I don't consider myself a Buddhist, I have been doing a fair amount of research. However, now that I am starting to practice mindfulness, and meditation, I've come to a sort of stumbling block.

Simply put, it is hard for me to understand compassion. I understand on some basic level that it is good, but in my life, I have become rather paranoid, and see compassion as weakness. This coupled with my familiarity with anger has brought my practicing to a halt. While I can understand why anger is wrong, and why it causes suffering, I am so used to it, that it feels like home.

A very disconcerting thought.

Basically, I realize that I need to meditate on WHY anger and violence are bad, but its hard to come up with reasons as to why they are so, when I have been raised to believe that they are necessary in this rather dangerous world.

I recently watched a youtube video with an American Buddhist who was talking at USC, and he mentioned the Buddha saying that Buddhism is almost in direct contrast with the human animal, and our base instincts.

I think that is something to think about.

I don't know. Its all very confusing. While reading books, and learning about the Four Noble truths, and the eightfold path, it all sounds very easy, but undergoing the mental shift required to view the world with a bit more mindfulness is much tougher then I thought.

I'm not sure if ANY of that made any sense whatsoever, but its where I am at with my studies into Buddhism.