[Michaelnewerb]

First off, I'm relatively new to Buddhism. I don't know anything about it except for a few basics on the life of the Buddha, and historical related things, and a few various things I've read about the teachings.

In my life I have had certain amounts of suffering as we all have, as I'm fairly sure that's a given if you're alive. I used to think that mine was somehow worse and that my conditions in life could not be explained to others so that they'd understand. Then one day it sort of clicked that trying to explain it to others had nothing to do with solving my problems, nor was suffering something that can be quantified and measured against another's. After that realization, I started looking more seriously into ways to help myself, or somewhere to start. I've never been very religious, though I was raised Christian.

I started to turn more toward spirituality. And usually when I decide to try something, I try it all head first. So I dove right into all sorts of mysticism, tried pagan paths, tried Christianity again, thought about Judaism, but it had the same drawbacks as anything else. I started reading things about Buddhism, and I realized that I feel a lot more comfortable with the general idea. At least on how to live, and the idea didn't seem overly zealous or religious, but more of a philosophy (bad word, but the only I can come up with) that seems to be universal. So I started meditating. And here's where my questions actually come in.

Every time I start to meditate, I start having severe panic attacks, and can't get any further. I've tried all sorts of different meditations, guided, unguided, with and without different music. I've tried all different positions. Regardless of how I do it, if I start to getting really deep, I immediately get this sense of foreboding, like something terrible is coming, and it ends in a severe panic attack where I have to lay flat and do breathing exercises until it passes. I can't seem to actually mediate, or it ends up that way.

Obviously, I don't think anyone can give me some key or something that will magically unlock my ability and fix me for good, but if anyone has experienced this, or even just has friendly advice that might help me out, I'd greatly appreciate it. It's really hindering me, and it's not just in Buddhism, almost everything ends up at meditation somehow, and I feel more and more like a ship tossed about without sails when I deal with this.

Specifically about Buddhism, it all seems rather overwhelming sometimes. I'm looking at these Sanskrit terms, and trying to make heads or tails of what I'm even reading. I've got some books, and I'm reading the threads on this forum, and it's helping, but does anyone have any advice that make learning for a beginner feel less abstract and overwhelming?