[Illisezek]

Dear Aardvark

I saw two main questions in this thread, i.e. (a) where should you start in Buddhism, and (b) a problem on meditation.

1. Where to start in Buddhism

All new people have this same problem. First thing which I recommend is that you need to spend time and be patient. Do not believe anything until you study, understand and practice it and see the result by yourself. On the contrary, do not ignore it, until you study, understand and practice it and see the result by yourself.

Many people may start Buddhism by meditation, and may understand that mediation is Buddhism, or Buddhism is mediation. In fact, although meditation is an important part of Buddhism, it is not all of or the highest or most important part of Buddhism.

At the early stage, I would suggest you to study whatever you think that it is useful and practical to you, and you like it. (One person said that you do not need to eat or know all fishes in the ocean to make you feel full.) If you spend time on something which you do not like, cannot practice it, and do not see it useful, it would not encourage you to continue doing it. If you are not interested in anything in particular, I may suggest you to study and practice, 10 fields of meritorious actions as follows:

1. merit which is made by giving (Danamaya)

2. merit which is made by holding precepts, e.g. five or eight precepts (Silamaya)

3. merit which is made by developing phavana (Bhavanamaya)

4. merit which is made by humbling ourselves before the others (Apacayanamaya)

5. merit which is made by being helpful or energetic in doing things which is right to do (Veyyavaccamaya)

6. merit which is made by dedicating or sharing merit (Pattidanamaya)

7. merit which is made by rejoicing other people’s doing merits (Pattanumodhanamaya)

8. merit which is made by listening to Dhamma (Dhammasavanamaya) (In my view, reading Dhamma book should be part of this field.)

9. merit which is made by revealing Dhamma or giving talks on Dhamma (Dhammadesanamaya)

10. merit which is made by making our view straight and true in compliance with Dhamma (Ditthujukamma)

Alternatively, the Buddha taught us to study in three fields as follows:

1. develop the right speech, right action and right livelihood, in morality by holding precepts (Sīla);

2. develop the right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration, in concentration (Samādhi); and

3. develop the right view and right thought for wisdom (Panyā).

When you study Dhamma and practice yourself, you may also consider that what you doing at such time is in which group. Generally, we could do it all together, no need to start step by step. But if you do not do step 1, it is not possible to be successful in step 2.

For clarification, if we do not hold precepts, we would not be successful in mindfulness development. If we do not develop our mindfulness, we would not be successful in developing our wisdom. However, we can practice to hold precepts, develop our mindfulness, and develop our wisdom at the same time. Noting that a person will be able to get out of wheel of rebirth because of wisdom, not a mindfulness.

2. Problem on meditation

Please ask this question to yourself.

Do we view that Dhamma is special, and we need to do something special, so that at the end we will get something special?

In fact, Dhamma is not special, it is normal and natural. If we think and try to do something special, it is not Dhamma practice. For example, I guess that you may sit and focus on your breath-in and breath-out during meditation. You do it for a certain period of time, and then you will have a panic attack. If you go to have a coffee at Starbuck shop and you just sit there, drink coffee, and you also breath-in and breath-out, would you have panic attack by doing that? The answer would be ‘no’.

What is the difference between these two activities? Both activities have sitting and breathing-in and breathing-out. Does the coffee make them different? No.

The thing which make them difference is ‘your mind’. You sit and breathing-in and breathing-out since a baby and you do this for so many times in your life but you do not have panic attack. Once you ‘think’ that you are going to do meditation, you ‘think’ that this is special now. This activity is special and it is not normal and not natural. This is why you have problem on meditation. You try to adjust your body and mind and make them not normal and not natural.

I do not suggest you to quit meditation but would suggest you to try these. (If they are not good, or incur bad results, you can ignore them.)

1. First, ignore and delete the word ‘practice’ or ‘mediation’ from your head. You just think that you want to sit and relax. Do not push yourself that you need to be clam or in peace. Do not expect that you will need to achieve anything. You just want to sit there and breathing-in and breathing-out. Only sit there and breathing-in and breathing-out, you are happy with them and do not need anything else.

Again, do not think or expect that you are practicing or doing meditation. You just sit there normally and naturally as you always do it during the whole past of your life.

2. Second, you see that there are mind, and body. During sitting there (Note: I do not say doing meditation; I say sitting there), if you feel anything, you are aware of it. If you feel annoying, afraid of panic attack, happy, unhappy, greed to achieve anything, angry, clam, peace, or confused. You just are aware of it. Then you will see that those feelings, and your mind and body are separated.

It does not matter whether or not you will be clam and in peace. If your mind is in peace, be aware of it. If it is not in peace and is confused, be aware of it.

By doing these, you will see that your mind is not your body and those feelings. Those feelings are not your mind and your body. You will learn the way to separate aggregates. (You may do the search for meaning of ‘five aggregates’.) For example, you will be at least separate three aggregates (mind, body and feeling).

3. Third, by doing above, you will see what happens to your mind and body as the truth. You do not push yourself that you must be clam or in peace. As you do not push yourself, it will be normal and natural, then you should not have panic attack.

One last thing, styles or forms of sitting and breathing-in and breathing-out are not the keys for meditation. The important part of meditation is the quality of mind (i.e. mindfulness). Do not lock yourself with style, form, time or place. Even though you stand at a bus stop and wait for a bus for only few minutes, you can focus at your breathing-in and breathing-out and it is meditation already. You walk from your working desk to toilette and you focus at your breathing-in and breathing-out. It is also meditation. As I earlier mention, Dhamma is normal and natural. So, our practice is to be normal and natural, not special. So, we can practice it in our normal life and natural life. There are exceptions, e.g. time of driving car, walking across the road, or working. We need to focus on those activities, not practicing Dhamma. But during the break of working (even for a minute), we could still do it.

With warm regards