[smirnoffdear]

Wow, I come back here to post an update and there are all these wonderful replies! Thank you so much! I attempted to meditate on this this morning without having read all these other replies and... well I can't say it was completely successful at first, my mind was going in all the familiar circles. And then I brought myself back to my friends. One friend in particular who I am very close to and has done a lot for me was also in the special forces in a war. During which time I know he killed a lot of people and took pride in his doing so.

Naturally I don't like that, but I don't hate the person and I know he's done a lot of good since and is still working on turning his life for the better and I wish him all the best for it. Then transfering that will on to the kids... well I can't say it worked completely, I still wanted them to feel the effects of their actions, but at the same time, I didn't hate or feel anger towards them for the first time. It'll take a bit of time and practice, but any progress is good progress.

Binou, what you wrote resonated particularly as it's thoughts I have often entertained in the past as well. There was a documentary on tv many years ago when I was still living with my parents. There was a Buddhist monk talking, I don't think it was the Dalai Lama himself but I could be wrong, it was some time ago. Anyway they were talking about a criminal, a rapist I think, who, instead of going through the normal justice system as we in the west would expect, he was sent to this monastery to be taught.

I remember dad vehemently saying that such an action was rubbish and would result in the criminal merely saying what he needed to to get out and become a repeat offender (which is similar to his thoughts on rehabilitation centres and the like). And I disagreed with him and believed that it was a fantastic idea since surely if he knew how his actions had an affect on the victim and the victim's family and friends, and his own family and friends, he wouldn't do it again.

It's something that's always been in the back of my mind but I had forgotten about. And transferring that wish for them to learn from their actions and become better people, maybe even work to prevent others from doing such things. It will still take time, but that helped a lot, so thank you!