[Thunderzee]

In my view (with my apology), you were going to the wrong way.

You practiced to lose your feeling or compassion, like a stone or a tree. You should consider what is your purpose for practicing this. To remove all feelings, and compassions? Then you will be like a robot or a stone at the end.

You said that you have no love. That was not true. You still have had love for your mind and your body all the times. You want your mind to be happy so you practiced this. You just cannot figure it out.

The way you practiced was that you created a separate clam world for your mind. Your mind was therein, be clam and nothing could affect it. Once your mind came out of such created world and faced the real world again, your mind felt suffering as usual. This is not the way of Buddha’s teaching.
Your way is to not feeling anything and not see any ‘self’. If you do not see ‘self’, how could you put down ‘self’. If you do not feel that self is suffering, how could you put down ‘self’.

We call the ‘Four Noble Truth’, so we need to study the truth. Where is the suffering? The suffering is in our body and mind. Without our body and mind, could we be suffered from anything? No, right? So, we need to study the truth of our body and mind. If you put your mind in an created world. How can you see its truth? You will only see the adjusted mind, not the true mind.

I would recommend you to read these books for more information.

http://03.wimutti.net/pramote/books/...Guide_book.pdf
http://03.wimutti.net/pramote/books/vidhi1_20080705.pdf
http://03.wimutti.net/pramote/books/...2.20080425.pdf

Warm regards