[adunnyByday]

Hello Nathan,

I am sorry that you are suffering from depression and a feeling of loneliness. I would like to tell you that you are not alone, and explain why. The emptiness you experience is there, but it is the same in everyone. It is an objective and universal truth. But, what is it that is disturbed by this emptiness? Your consciousness correct? It is your conscious experience of emptiness that is giving you this feeling of emptiness and loneliness. Perhaps you are in your mind, treating emptiness in a way that is too nihilistic? Ive done this in the past myself. I have found a particular visualization of emptiness has helped me along with a redefinition of what emptiness means. This is not in conflict with Buddhism, what I am about to say.

When I think of emptiness, I think of emptiness being that realization that everything is devoid of a static self. The word "static" here, is important. It means not changing, not moving, eternal and existing purely in and of itself, by itself. This is the true definition of being alone! In order to be alone, it must exist in the way Ive defined it.

This is not what Buddha taught. The Buddha taught that no-thing ever exists by itself, totally removed from the other aspects of existence. Instead, everything is like a net or a spiderweb, in which each thread serves as a connection for one of the points (which are actually converging threads meeting). In that way, not only are all phenomena connected, but so too, are all beings. Now, beings are made up of non-permanent pieces which you will know as skhanda's. They change from moment to moment, never static, never alone, playing off of each other and yet, the way in which they do so gives rise to the feeling or perception of a static (alone) self, through the constant arising of the fifth skhanda, consciousness.

Now, we don't want to get rid of consciousness, as consciousness is what allows us to know things. Even nirvana can't be known without consciousness OF nirvana. Rather, we want to purify our consciousness and develop our insight so that what we come to know are the right things (right view).

emptiness, being defined as empty of a permanence, rather than empty in our normal sense of pointless, is an important view, so that one doesn't slip into the wrong views of annihilationism or eternalism.

While your conventional self (your skhandas) may be empty of a permanent, unchanging self such as a soul, it is a constantly flowing and changing (read: Evolving) group of things that make you (in the conventional sense) you! And in that, as a being made up of "things" you are never alone! Every being is the same as you!

I like to visualize nirvana (the ultimate not-self, emptiness, void.) as being like a giant calm ocean/space of awareness (distinguished from consciousness) that extends out in all directions forever. like the universe, no beginning and no end can be seen. And I like to see samsara, and thoughts, as little fish, coming and going, and coming again, and going out again, never sitting still, always evolving, always living and dieing, and being reborn. They move in the water, but they aren't the water.

I should clarify one thing. With the above analogy, one could object that I am calling the water/nirvana a permanent reality and thus a self, but no, I'm not. Nirvana too is not a permanent self, because it is empty of all the things that we call a self. (The skhandas) It is more of a permanent state (but not self) that underlies all Samsaric phenomena

So, Nathan, "You" as in your Samsaric self, are never alone. You are in the same boat as us all. "You" are always changing, and coming and going. But you are you, the being, nonetheless. And so is everyone around you. Just because nothing that makes up what we call "self", is unchanging, doesn't mean we don't exist in any way, we just aren't static.We are a product of, and dependent on everything and everyone around us for our own "personal" existance. In that knowledge, how can you ever be alone? Hug someone you care about! know that they are there. Not in the sense that we normally perceive it, but they are there nonetheless!

Ive noticed that often times we tend to start I-dentifying with our concept of emptiness or nirvana or whatever you want to call it, and the very act of I-dentifying, rather than putting aside concept of self and other altogether, makes us feel alone. This happens because for "me" to exist, means there has to be an "other" And if there is an "other", there can only be one "me"! And that makes me feel isolated, and alone. So to, if we make the mistake of I-dentifying with emptiness or nothingness, we feel alone, because then we are in opposition to the other, namely fullness and thingness. And we feel as though we dont exist in any way, and lose touch with reality.

Ive rambled enough and hope that this has been of some value to you and others on this board, and not a waste of your time. If it were, I apologize. Either way, feel better.


Sincerely,
A fellow being