[sjdflghd]

I finished watching a movie with my parents earlier than I thought I would. I want to respond to the messages that you guys have shared.

soundtrack, I agree with you that is a shame that most Christians don't practice the teachings of Christ. I think that it is very interesting that it is a good thing that Jesus is considered a bodhisattva. I watched the video about the Christian monk that you posted. I think that the video was nice but i'm not sure that I understood it. I am sorry. I do think that the monk in the video seems like a very good person. I think it is great that he has practiced Zen Buddhism. I agree that there are some genuine Christians out there. I will try to reclaim Jesus' teachings. I agree that Jesus taught love and enlightenment. Thank you soundtrack for all of your advice and help.

Karma, it means a lot to me that you shared this with me. It is nice to know that a Buddhist can relate to my struggles in the past with racism. I may be a tiny bit racist now but I fight against it and don't agree with it. I am not angry with my mom right now. You are right, I do think it is because she grew up around it. She was indirectly taught that it was normal while she was growing up. You are right again that my mom is suffering a lot. She is melancholy a lot of the time and has a very bad outlook on life. However she is a really sweet person, and I love her very unconditionally. Yes, I agree again that it can help to understand why people are the way they are. Yes, I agree once again that it is the causes and effects have led us to where we are. I want to thank you Karma for your advice and help.

soundtrack, I watched the second video that you posted. It really helped me the way he explained anger. I will most likely watch it again, because I found it to be so helpful. You are right. I shouldn't believe my deluded mind and its thoughts about me being things like a terrible person. It makes sense to me that "he" only exists when I think him into existence. So thanks again soudtrack.

Thanks again Aloka-D. I appreciate your advice from before and I think it is really nice of you to post the link that you posted.

Woodscooter, thank you very much for saying that i'm brave to express my feelings and concerns on this Buddhist forum. I think that is very kind of you to say. I want to thank you too also for sharing your experience. I think you are talking about the post on Metta right? I will definitely try to learn more about Metta. It makes me feel a lot better that you can relate to my experience with anger. I will also try to overcome the internal anger that I have expressed. I think by encouragement from this forum I have been able to overcome a lot of my anger already. Or maybe i'm just really sleepy tonight ha ha and that is why. I wish so much that I could go to a Buddhist group and have an offline Sangha. I consider this online forum my Sangha for now. I do not have acess to an offline Sangha. It is possible that I could get in touch with this Buddhist group that meets in the town where I live but I doubt even if I get into contact with them that I would be able to get transportation to the meetings. My dad is tolerant that i'm learning about Buddhism, but I don't know if he would be willing to drive me to meetings. He isn't exactly open minded. My mom doesn't even know to my knowledge that I am really wanting to become a Buddhist. She would not be happy.

I am sorry but I am very tired now and need to go to bed soon. I will try to learn more about Metta tomorrow. I didn't meditate today but I will not make not meditating a habit. I will try to meditate every day starting tomorrow.

I have read on more than one website that if you don't have access to a Buddhist centre or Temple that you can become a Buddhist by taking refuge even if you are alone. I really want to take refuge soon so that I can officially be a Buddhist. I know that when you are Enlightened labels like "Buddhist" don't matter. If I am wrong please correct me. I mean that honestly. However, I really want to be able to be a Buddhist and not just someone that is learning about Buddhism. I have no access to other Buddhists apart from this site. I think I have been told by one person on here something like how I can take the refuges without a teacher. I already believe what I know about Buddhism and i'm still learning more. I need to study the basics some more and I plan on spending most of the day tomorrow studying more about the basics. I'm curious as to what you guys think about me taking refuge without a teacher. These two sites seem to indicate that it is possible.

http://buddhism.about.com/od/takingr...kingrefuge.htm


http://viewonbuddhism.org/refuge.html

If I eventually take refuge without a teacher and do it on my own if I later was able to join a particular school of Buddhism like Zen for instance could I take the refuges again in order to join a particular school?

Again, thank you to everyone for your advice and I really hope to get some advice about me taking refuge.