[Immonnaornach]

However, I do not know what I should think about my anger and hate towards Christianity. I hate the hypocrisy of Christians who claim to love Jesus and have absolutely no problem with forcing their beliefs on others and starting wars in the name of God. I just don't know a better way to explain why I feel the way I do. However, I don't hate all Christians. I do not hate my family. I just have so much negativity in me right now. I also feel like i'm a very lustful person. I may have a lot of flaws.

With all of that said. I don't want to have hatred or anger in me at all. I want to get rid of these negative emotions because they are in the way of me becoming Enlightened. I also know that hatred is harmful to society. I do believe that all races are equal and science supports that.

I feel like a terrible person, and I am ashamed of myself.

hello David

i read your post, which was articulated very well, showing insight into your self & your situation

my initial response is to just say to take your transition slowly, patiently, with trust

personally, i believe your hatred will drop away naturally as you become more inwardly certain & confident about what is genuinely right (beneficial) & wrong (unbeneficial)

already, you have described some wonderful transformation & growth in wisdom about racism

when what is truely 'right' & 'wrong' are known by the heart, the compassion generated by this will melt away hatred

as for lust and becoming Enlightened, i can only suggest to soften around this

lust is an instinct all human beings are born with & share

only in time will you realise whether your life is to be devoted towards Enightenment or whether you must channel your "lust" in harmless & moral ways (such as life partner, marriage, etc)

you do not sound like a terrible person to me. in fact, your post describing your awakening was very inspiring to read

with metta (friendliness)

element