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**ConoMadura** · 11-25-2011, 07:26 AM

Hello,
I have a question that only can be answered by a Buddhist.
I have been in a relationship for three years with a very loving attentive man. He has been a wonderful father figure to my children. We never fought or had disagreements.
He came to me recently to say he is a Buddhist and the attachment to me would lead to suffering so he is done. He will always love me ,but having relationships is not a part of Buddhism. He believes there is no such thing as love and it is just an illusion.
I'm confused is it true to be a Buddhist you must give up or abandon loved ones?
Thank You For your time.

Hi emarie and welcome to the group !

Your man friend is mistaken in thinking that lay Buddhist practitioners cannot have relationships .

Here's what the Buddha said about couples:

AN 4.55 Samajivina Sutta: Living in Tune

Once the Blessed One was staying among the Bhaggas in the Deer Park at Bhesakala Grove, near Crocodile Haunt. Then early in the morning the Blessed One put on his robes and, carrying his bowl and outer robe, went to the home of the householder, Nakula's father. On arrival, he sat down on a seat made ready.

Then Nakula's father & Nakula's mother went to the Blessed One and, on arrival, having bowed down to him, sat to one side. As they were sitting there, Nakula's father said to the Blessed One: "Lord, ever since Nakula's mother as a young girl was brought to me [to be my wife] when I was just a young boy, I am not conscious of being unfaithful to her even in mind, much less in body. We want to see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come."

And Nakula's mother said to the Blessed One: "Lord, ever since I as a young girl was brought to Nakula's father [to be his wife] when he was just a young boy, I am not conscious of being unfaithful to him even in mind, much less in body. We want to see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come."

[The Blessed One said:] "If both husband & wife want to see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come, they should be in tune [with each other] in conviction, in tune in virtue, in tune in generosity, and in tune in discernment. Then they will see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come."

Husband & wife, both of them
having conviction,
being responsive,
being restrained,
living by the Dhamma,
addressing each other
with loving words:
they benefit in manifold ways.

To them comes bliss.
Their enemies are dejected
when both are in tune in virtue.
Having followed the Dhamma here in this world,
both in tune in precepts & practices,
they delight in the world of the devas,
enjoying the pleasures they desire.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipit....055.than.html

11-25-2011, 07:26 AM	#4
ConoMadura Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 380 Senior Member	Hello, I have a question that only can be answered by a Buddhist. I have been in a relationship for three years with a very loving attentive man. He has been a wonderful father figure to my children. We never fought or had disagreements. He came to me recently to say he is a Buddhist and the attachment to me would lead to suffering so he is done. He will always love me ,but having relationships is not a part of Buddhism. He believes there is no such thing as love and it is just an illusion. I'm confused is it true to be a Buddhist you must give up or abandon loved ones? Thank You For your time. Hi emarie and welcome to the group ! Your man friend is mistaken in thinking that lay Buddhist practitioners cannot have relationships . Here's what the Buddha said about couples: AN 4.55 Samajivina Sutta: Living in Tune Once the Blessed One was staying among the Bhaggas in the Deer Park at Bhesakala Grove, near Crocodile Haunt. Then early in the morning the Blessed One put on his robes and, carrying his bowl and outer robe, went to the home of the householder, Nakula's father. On arrival, he sat down on a seat made ready. Then Nakula's father & Nakula's mother went to the Blessed One and, on arrival, having bowed down to him, sat to one side. As they were sitting there, Nakula's father said to the Blessed One: "Lord, ever since Nakula's mother as a young girl was brought to me [to be my wife] when I was just a young boy, I am not conscious of being unfaithful to her even in mind, much less in body. We want to see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come." And Nakula's mother said to the Blessed One: "Lord, ever since I as a young girl was brought to Nakula's father [to be his wife] when he was just a young boy, I am not conscious of being unfaithful to him even in mind, much less in body. We want to see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come." [The Blessed One said:] "If both husband & wife want to see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come, they should be in tune [with each other] in conviction, in tune in virtue, in tune in generosity, and in tune in discernment. Then they will see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come." Husband & wife, both of them having conviction, being responsive, being restrained, living by the Dhamma, addressing each other with loving words: they benefit in manifold ways. To them comes bliss. Their enemies are dejected when both are in tune in virtue. Having followed the Dhamma here in this world, both in tune in precepts & practices, they delight in the world of the devas, enjoying the pleasures they desire. http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipit....055.than.html
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