[Eunatis]

My name is David. I don't know if it is bad for me not to put my last name. Please tell me if it is. I am just paranoid about putting my last name out online.

I have been atheistic for a month or so, and I am starting to feel drawn back towards Buddhism. I was raised a Christian and and have lost my faith in God more than once. I do not believe in a God. I learned a little bit about Buddhism and was fascinated by it. However, I misunderstood a lot of things about the Buddhist religion.

I misunderstood the teachings about reincarnation thinking that I had to believe that my soul would go into a rebirth as another human or animal after I died. I couldn't accept that I had an immortal soul. Thinking that Buddhists believed in an immortal soul I got really angry and no longer wanted to becocme a Buddhist. I got really angry. I think I threw my book that I own about Buddhism onto the floor and said (please forgive me if this hurts or offends anyone) something like, f Buddha! Or F Buddhism"

I feel really guilty about this. I want to learn more about Buddhism and hopefully become a Buddhist but I no longer feel worthy. I used the f word while talking about the Buddha or Buddhism. That is what I remember at least. I feel like because of this I am not worthy of ever possibly being a Buddhist. Am I too immoral to be a Buddhist?

I hope that what I wrote makes sense. I really hope that someone can give me some advice. Isn't there a special way to become Buddhist? Isn't there some kind of special thing you have to say at a ceremony or something?

I also hope that someone can tell me if I have ruined my chances of being Buddhist because of when I cursed and said what I said.

Thank you to anyone who reads this and I am really sorry if some of what I wrote was offensive or repetitive

I hope to hear from someone. Thanks again.