[Intiltern]

dear cal ,

I asked in order to find any positive common ground ,

so by the sound of things you have a long standing relationship,
a comon interest invested in your daughter,
and a love of animals .
and prehaps some common ground in the beleif in rebirth .

prehaps I could suggest a little bit of a mental excercise for you ,
examine buddhism as you understand it , and compare it with the general christian beleif of your wife and surrounding family , trying to identify all the common ground , think in your mind to translate all buddhist terminology in to simple christian english , keep on drawing comparisons , think of the paralells between the christian idea of rightious behavior (the ten comandments) , compare this with the eight fold path , and the buddhist precepts , e.g." not to kill nor harm any living being" , compare this with your wifes love of animals and her nature to rescue and nerture , (dare I ask if either or both of you are vegetarian ?)
concentrate first on the simple common grounds , when you are happy that you have realy appriciated the similaritys and feel sufficiently confident to disscuss with your wife , you might find it helpfull to start discussing the similaritys you have found this might help to dispell any fears she may have .

at first it would be inadvisable to discuss the differences , these should be saved untill more common ground has been established .
of course you might meet some criticism as to why you might need to practice buddhism instead of christianity ? again you need to answer this in your own mind first before anyone asks it of you .choose the least confrontational answers and keep it simple .

I used to rely on saying that I found the practice of meditation very helpfull for my own wellbeing and peace of mind , people generaly understand that , I kept the more personal aspects of beleif to my self , as it can disturb some people .

I noticed in a later post you say you practiced martial arts , look at the paralells here with dicipline , some peoples minds need a dicipline , mine does , I have allso met many people who have gone on from martial ats to other diciplines such as buddhism ,

what was it about martial arts that your wife understood , that she canot accept within buddhism ?

I know that these are a lot of points for you to consider, but knowing your self will help in your confidence in handling this situation ,

I hope these reflections might be of some use , and wish you every success in setteling an uncomfortable situation

best wishes
namaskars ratikala Ratikala, thanks for sharing some great ideas and insights.

I like your suggestion about the mental exercises. My understanding of Buddhism and the teaching is a bit in the infant stage still, as I have only started serious studying a few months ago but I can still think about this and use those questions that arise to search and remember certain things that might be helpful to address it in this way - as I understand it.

I became a vegetarian about a year ago but my wife still eats meat. She's still upset about it because she sees it as a change in me that affects her because we don’t eat the same things anymore, so often we have separate meals.

Yes, to stay in martial arts that long does takes a lot of discipline and hard work, as does learning how to play a musical instrument or earning a college degree. However, I'm exactly not sure why my wife objects to Buddhism so much more than martial arts but it could have to do with the fact that I was already a blackbelt instructor before we got married (25 years ago). Also, the system I belong to is an Americanized system and the grandmaster (head instructor - like CEO) is a devout Christian so there are absolutely no Buddhist references or practices of meditation as part of the curriculum. Other than bowing and using some Asian words for techniques there really is no ties to eastern ways of thinking.

I will continue to reflect on the insights and suggestions and see how I could apply them.

Thank you so much. Have a blessed and peaceful day!

Cal