[Metrujectiktus]

Discovering Buddhism over a year ago, it has literally changed my life. I came exceptionally close to self destruction. Many times, and I mean literally. This new "Path" combined with a couple other things, has been instrumental to me being here, alive, as well as becoming happy again. in short, the Path works. It is real. It is necessary to happiness, in my opinion.

I have read and chose as my "bible" for a multitude of reasons, the book "Buddhism in America, Proceedings of the First Buddhism in America Conference." Strangely, I have found this same book as actually changed and saved the lives of others. This information comes accidentally, in conversation with total strangers. One time, I was in a hospital after a bike accident. The book was laying on my bed. A male nurse told me the book brought his uncle back from suicide and prison, to a normal healthy life, at age 54. The Uncle, like me, had gone half through his life in a constant struggle, just for survival. Fighting oneself. Then comes this book, the Path, new discovery's, new directions. All sorts of collateral good things. Happiness. Self confidence. Maturity. Kindness.

I "get"breathing as a principal, as a foundation, the whys and the hows. But it does nothing for me at all. Never has. In this book, it covers every aspects and type of Buddhism, from well respected leaders. It says over and over again from various teachers and practitioners that Buddhism is about taking and utilizing "what works for you." That you may have to try different methods, teachings and practices before it works to a level. I keep going back to that, as I become frustrated with breathing.

A good example: I am very upset by something. I breath in deeply. Concentrate on it. Breath in hold, let out. Etc. ETC!!! And it does little to nothing. Other things DO work. Just not this. Maybe I am an Alien?

I understand breathing, but get zero reward, so to speak, from it. It rarely calms me down, it rarely does anything except distract me from having a calm mind. I wonder if this is one aspect that just won't work for some? Yet breathing seems to be the foundation for all the teachings and types of Buddhism.

I am really at a loss.

I have ADHD, so practicing Buddism is all the more difficult, if you truly understand ADHD, you'll know why. If you are not actually experienced in real, ADHD, I would appreciate not making comments on this post. "Knowing somebody who knows somebody with a family member that has it," is useless. Forums in general whether sports or Medicine seem to be littered with replies of "I don't know, but I heard…"
Thanks in advance for NOT doing that.

Nearly everything else I have learned works. I find myself alarmingly mindful, (even though I may not give myself over to it, as I should.) The mere fact that I am mindful, is helpful in itself. Is breathing one of those things that may just not work for some?

A great example I can put forth (that some may not get,) is a particular technique within racing motocross. There is a "standard" in plowing into a berm at 45mph. How to put one's inside leg out and forward, for example. Even non MX fans would recognize the classic racer stance of being over almost on one's side, leaned into a tight berm corner, with the inside leg straight forward / pointed towards the front wheel. Well, there are a few riders that bucked this years ago, proceeding to collecting numerous World Championships by doing the exact opposite of the "standard." Had they gone "concrete" on learning, they may never have one a single trophy. These few riders kept the inside leg / foot on the bike, tucked into the motor area, out of the way.

So one can see that sometimes a "system" standard, just does not work for some, and actually hampers them as they try to learn something that is not to their grain.

I don't know. it's my thoughts here, for the world to read and reply on.

I find myself wasting more time trying to master this thing that does nothing for me, rather then perhaps spending time on methods that do work for me.

Please help!

Sincerely,

" The Sarcastic Buddah "