[flower-buy]

Hi Element,
sorry its taken so long to reply.
yes, i believe there was a complete abscence of self in the final aspect or

quality or condition of void experience.The void experience itself began when i had

come into a state or condition of formlesness after a prolonged period of contractions

+ expansions + an ultimate dissociation from all of these.
I have found there to be several 'states' of awareness, consciousness must

'pass' thru upon entering into void . Initially the self experienced formlesness + a

forgetfulness of any awareness of any forms whatsoever. But there is also a curiosity

or compulsion to explore or probe this internal/external void.
I have written of this somewhere so i will dig it out, it may seem naive

but it sort of puts into words what i can.
It seems to be in an 'area' of cons's that is pitch black, even when its

attention is turned inwards there is the same pitch black emptyness. But it is still a

percieving experiencing quality or principle. Im not at all sure that it is a self as

there is no reflection of a self, no recollection or memory of a self as if it is in a

state of amnesia.
This pitch blackness is all pervasive but the experiencer (self?) is not passive

but feels the urge to search this complete + utter emptyness. It is unknown why or

even what it is searching for, it is just compelled to do so.It is a sort of inherant

(?) curiosity. So it extends its awareness as far inward + outwards (simultaneously)

as it can, which is an intensely curious experience in itself, this inward/outward

motion ocuuring at once (of emptyness,void)
This was the first 'movement' of the experiencer in void space, it seemed

to be space because the emptyness extends (infinately) all around + also internally so

there was still this dimensional dual inner/outer aspect of void .
If there were infinate points in the void + all of these infinate points

simualtaneously searched infinately within + without 'themselves' + were aware of all

other infinate points doing likewise whilst at the same time being the one point from

which all these other infinities arose , then this in some way hints at the

intensity of this search of the void space.
This is the dynamic aspect of the experiencer in void space it is of a

pulsating momentum as it extends ever inward + outward simultaneously, falls back on

itself + re-extends itself again to its infinate. which intensity becomes so

unendurable that it eventually simultaneously 'implodes'/'explodes'at every

concievable 'point' + the internal/external aspects become as one + an experience of

intense bliss joy + tranquility ensues.
There are now no internal/external aspects to the experiencer, all is one

all is void , this is the quiescent void , peaceful blissful void.
This is the last perception of the experiencer, he is one with void.
There are no other qualities to this experience but void , even the

intense bliss + tranquility slowly 'evaporate' + all experience 'stops' or is held in

suspension. Even the experiencing principle (self?) is negated + non-existence or no

experience of any kind is recorded here. Which is why i likened it to a complete +

utter un-conciousness or a deep dreamless sleep state where there is no memory ,

nothing is recorded at all.
I have absolutely no idea or conception of what was or wasnt at this

'point' , nothing was existent not even the experiencing principle , all experience

was either 'suspended' or 'negated'. I have read of the term extinct or extincion

related or accorded to this 'state' + i can understand why but i find these terms to

be too final too desolate + i prefer to use 'suspended' or 'negated' because there is

of course a re-arousal of this experiencer , that which had seemed to go out of

existence slowly 'reawakens' or comes back into (primal?) consciousness.
I hpoe this doesnt seem too garbled or mad to u, nothing i have written

can do justice nor come anywhere near a description of void in fact all that i write

is utter nonsense but the reality of the experience will remain in me, is me + my hope

is that i would return .Some people dream of money some of love or power but my dream

is of void. I honestly dont expect u or anyone else to really understand what i am

still trying to understand myself but every now + again i try to find some reflection

of it in the world at large.
I would be interested in ur thoughts on this matter, please say as u

feel, any critisisms or whatever are more than welcome .
respectfully, paul