[BalaGire]

Hi Kris, thanks for the http's , i found the site but the search came up 'lost in

samsara' file not found but i will search the site + probably come up with a lot of

goodies even if i dont find that particular file. But i sort of get the drift + i

can intuit what it is you are pointing to. And again i would agree, impermanence is

impermanence which ever way one looks at it + i do understand how this applies to my

own experiences.
Whatever you can point me to Kris, i will have a look at. Thanks.

Namaste is as i understand it ,is a lovely salutation in its truest

sense, so thanks + Namaste to you too.
paul



Hello Ngodngam , thank you kindly for the effort + consideration you have obviously

put into your reply. It warms the cockles of my heart (i hope you will understand

this) that you in particular + others have extended themselves so thoughtfully + i

deeply appreciate it. Namaste to you + all .

Yes i agree with you my experiences are impermanent + i dispute that in no way at

all. Actually its only about every 5yrs or so that i really give void any great

thought + coming to this v nice site was my second foray into the world at large this

time around + i consider myself fortunate to have come here. Without a doubt you

understood what it was i was talking about , + without a doubt you have easily

classified it for what it is (Jhana's) + put it in its proper context, as impermanent

etc. And i unreservedly accept your assesment.

This Sunyata that Buddha was in constant awareness of , is something i had

suspected before, but it is still a stunning realisation to really know this to be

true. To be nonself + simultaneously all there is, was, could be . etc etc, + still be

aware 'within' a body as an ego + walking, talking etc, is ,,,,,, actually i dont have

words . Im not surprised Sunyata could never be put into words, nothing could

really do it justice. when you said ''(Empty from desires but have great happiness) i

am sure you are exactly right. I would imagine it to be the greatest form of

happiness.

My impermanent glimpse of such an exalted state remains as you say , just that, a

brief + intruiging glimpse of the real thing , a dalliance with the Jhanas so to speak

+ in truth it is of no great consequence to my life as it does not pay the rent it

does not do the cooking + it wont make my bed. It is not Sunyata but i am glad that i

asked the question, + even that i have had the experience, at least in a sense, i know

what to aim for. i consider myself to be a very lucky person although growing up

with it in a western world was a bit of a pain in the ass.


This Sati or awareness as dissociated even from mind (are all of the Jhanas

associated with mind?) is fascinating + i hope i will be able to learn your methods to

try + attain such a state, thank you for pointing this out to me, that my experiences

were of mind qualities, + i think i must learn the subtleties of mind in relation to

this nonself or nonbeing i was aware of as a culmination of the Jhanas i had

experienced. Is nonbeing still a mind state? That is far too subtle for me at this

point. Some form of Nimitta you have mentioned?

I must point out that i have not used drugs for many years now.

Yes it was in all cases that an inner concentration led to all the other out of

body + other experiences, i practiced my dissociation so that this inner concentration

would remain 'fixed' so to speak + when sufficient concentration was gained then

another 'level' of awareness or 'field' of activity would open up + the self could

enter into it + then have some sort of experience, or the self could refocus

concentration + go into the next field of expansion or whatever you call it + repeat

this until i eventually reachched formlesness etc. U call this Samadhi ?

Concentration. And you call all of the various experiences in these seemingly

infinate levels of awareness as not true Sati but Nimitta ? , something supernatural.

Is this the right interpretation?

Forgive me, as yet i do not know any other Buddhists although i will look for

someplace near to me + as i live on the outskirts of london, this should not be too

difficult. So i hope not to pester you for too much longer. I find it difficult

sometimes to restrain my enquiering mind. I know, meditate. Satipatthana. Breath.


One last point, is about my dual awareness, perhaps this is not the best

description of a simultaneous state . There is not really an in + out to this state as

both awareness of the physical state + the dreaming state is concurrent or side by

side as one. Both states were in awareness at once but one could be 'favoured' over

the other for a while + for a reason but the natural state is of both wakeing +

dreaming states simultaneously in awareness at once. This state had nothing to do

with drugs but a semi isolation, like a retreat i suppose, only 3-4hrs sleep a night +

intensive meditations. No tv, radio, newspapers, v few callers (i had asked for this)

+ a spartan vegetarian diet. Just this for three months + believe me it was not easy

but that is irrelevant because i came into this awareness. This simultaneous awareness

lasted for 3 days continuously , totally unlike any other state i had come into , drug

induced or not. I did not sleep, in the sense that even when my body rested + my

awareness became more focused inwardly, there was always that portion of the inner

awareness that was simultaneously aware of the body + by a simple subtle focusing

upon it could easily know of its condition, even of its surroundings up to at least

500 meters from the body itself + could 'feel' the whole environment though it seemed

to lack colour. When the body was refreshed, (i would leave it in a seated

posture), it was as though i had not slept, at least in awareness though it did favour

the inner rather than the outer (in these usually brief periods of rest) but at no

time was the body + its environment completely out of awareness.
This simutaneous awareness is exceedingly complex. Not only could one be both

aware of the wakeing/dreaming self (as it is in truth one self) but the properties of

the material world took on more infinate dimensionality. Many other times, places,

civilsations or even things i cannot describe would equally be held at once in

awareness + this was just the physical portion of the awareness, the dreaming aspect

of it was inexplicably huge, seeming infinities in all directions.

I have tried to describe a little more of this expansion because i did not want

you to think that i had not dilligently applied myself to the persuit of knowledge

just by means of shortcuts or drugs or whatever. This was hard work, sometimes i would

bounce myself off the walls so that i did not go to sleep + some of the initial

alterations of consciousness were v scary indeed + many things would make me want to

give up but i persisted even when i thought i might go completely insane + im glad i

did.
This experience may still come under the auspicies of the various results of

samadhi you described + also that it was ultimately impermanent but it had undeniable

durability + in fact i believe it would not have stopped, but even progressed if i had

not on the third day lain down to rest, a fatal mistake as i then slept for 20 or so

hours + normal awareness returned. I fully believe that if i did not lie down + stayed

seated as i had done before, then the experience would have continued indefinately.

Which is why i persist in mentioning it, it is unlike all of the impermanent

experiences in that there was no need or necessity for it to have stopped.

Im sure you will tell me that Satipatthana would have kept me from going to

sleep on myself.
Please do not trouble yourself too much Ngodngam, with the need or necessity to

reply to my post, i understand that you are probably a busy man + i appreciate that

english is not your native tongue. I do not wish to pressure you by my lengthy post

but to express in a way, my appreciation of your wise + kindly counsel. And of course

i hope to begin my own exploration of Buddhism + im sure there will be many along the

way who will give me guidance, as some others on this site have kindly done so

already.

with great respect + kindest regards, paul