hi darren, i've been reading your posts with interest. You express your thinking and your suffering in each post. some of the replies have been helpful, but there is no sign you have noticed what has been posted to you. Honestly you are not alone in feeling the way that you do, but if you want anything to change you need to make a connection with others too. the world would be a better place with more love in it, for sure. you cannot change the world but you can change your self. We have a word for it, in buddhism, it's metta. It involves putting out loving-kindness, first to yourself, then to those near you, then to others, and finally to the whole world. it's not easy to do this genuinely and honestly. There's no one to judge you but yourself, so you can't fake it. You seem to have very good intentions, and almost everyone in the world wants to receive love, so you really can make a difference by giving out love to everyone in your life, expecting nothing in return. The more love you give, the more you may find.