[dodadaxia]

Thanks - my doctor really helped -
Every time I saw her I'd say "Do you still think I can do this?" and have hope she would say yes, and she kept assuring me she had faith in me. She grew up in Lebanon and is tough as nails, so I knew she wasn't just saying it to avoid upsetting a patient.
You don't find many psychiatrists like that. I will always admire her. So young and so wise.

edit:
Now when being sad, happy, or whatever...I am so grateful for feeling "human."
Sometimes recently when I was in a good mood, I would come to my doctor and say "Is this normal to feel this way? Am I getting bipolar disorder or something?" I'm still so fearful of feeling "okay" because it's outside my range of experience....I was a broken spirit for a good 10 years. She just laughs and tells me it's alright to feel good; that I'm a grateful, sensible person, hardly grandiose or manic, and to stop questioning it. Such a relief!! I'm so grateful I cry sometimes. And the good days are coming more often.