[Misespimb]

As far as compassion goes, the act of simply leaving a situation that was unhealthy and possibly dangerous was an act of self-compassion and compassion for your son.

When people leave an abusive situation, oftentimes the first thing that comes up after the initial vertigo is anger. Anger can be a wonderfully activating force, but it can also be consuming. You'll need to walk a delicate balance between healing the wounds of the past and being careful not to make things worse in the present -- that is, not perpetuating or feeding the flames of unskillful and harmful mind states like anger and resentment. In Buddhism, anger is considered a form of suffering. I like this quote by Vaclav Havel: "The fixation on others, the dependence on them, and in fact the delegation of a piece of one's own identity to them... the hater longs for the object of his hatred." You don't want to go down the path of hatred because it will obsess you and prevent you from moving on with your life.

You'll have to do some analytical weighing. Consider what would be best for your son. I don't know the specific dynamics and circumstances, so you'll have to weigh the pro's and con's of allowing him contact with his son: Would it place your son in a difficult or dangerous position? Is part of your motivation for seeking to end all contact with this man driven by feelings of anger or fear that you may never be able to fully "let go" if he is continually present in your life or your son's? What internal attitude would best allow both you and your ex-husband to heal from a toxic relationship and provide a better future for your son?