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**RozzyLiu** · 03-02-2011, 12:20 AM

Those few replies have show more wisdom and knowledge than the 30+ I must have had on the other messageboard! Thank you! I would still be interested to hear how other members, especially those in a relationship feel.

Thanks you.
EG

Thanks for starting this thread Einsteinsghost. I too wondered similar things when I first started learning about Buddhism. I was discouraged to think that I should try and 'detach' myself from the person I love too. Im glad to see the see the great replies here by everyone, and I think they are all right. As long as you aren't attaching yourself to expectations and/or negative traits associated with your attachment (such as jealousy), then its perfectly fine.

Personally, I think its okay to love anyone you want, for any [good] reason that you want (whether it be love for family, friends, or partner). I think as everyone touched on, you just have to tie mindfulness into it. With my relationship, I recognize and understand my attachment. I can see that my love is pure and real, and not based on superficial or short-term things. And I know that eventually that person will die, I will die, they could leave, etc. So I try not to 'cling' with my love, so that it will not cause suffering, but just simply 'have love', and even if that person leaves my life, I will be happy for the love we shared together. So I think being aware of that and accepting that, helps me understand the nature of the relationship, and the true nature of my love. I am open and honest with my partner, as she is with me. There is no reason for me to be jealous of anything she does or anyone else around her. And even when its little things such as her asking me to do a chore, or even perhaps 'nagging' every now and then, I try to stay mindful of the situation, interpret small moments of opportunity for resentment, and then let them fade so that I am still left with just my raw love, and no negative harbouring emotions like resentment.

Doing those things for me seems to work. I have yet to get into a big arguement with my partner (Knock on wood lol) and we have been together for 2 years. I am getting married to her this July and I truly believe through simply being mindful of all events, good and bad, we can make the relationship last as long as we want, and not become a part of that 50% divorce rate many couples are experiencing today.

I dont know if I explained that well enough, or if others do that. But thats what works for me, so I figured id share my personal opinions on the matter.

03-02-2011, 12:20 AM	#12
RozzyLiu Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 375 Senior Member	Those few replies have show more wisdom and knowledge than the 30+ I must have had on the other messageboard! Thank you! I would still be interested to hear how other members, especially those in a relationship feel. Thanks you. EG Thanks for starting this thread Einsteinsghost. I too wondered similar things when I first started learning about Buddhism. I was discouraged to think that I should try and 'detach' myself from the person I love too. Im glad to see the see the great replies here by everyone, and I think they are all right. As long as you aren't attaching yourself to expectations and/or negative traits associated with your attachment (such as jealousy), then its perfectly fine. Personally, I think its okay to love anyone you want, for any [good] reason that you want (whether it be love for family, friends, or partner). I think as everyone touched on, you just have to tie mindfulness into it. With my relationship, I recognize and understand my attachment. I can see that my love is pure and real, and not based on superficial or short-term things. And I know that eventually that person will die, I will die, they could leave, etc. So I try not to 'cling' with my love, so that it will not cause suffering, but just simply 'have love', and even if that person leaves my life, I will be happy for the love we shared together. So I think being aware of that and accepting that, helps me understand the nature of the relationship, and the true nature of my love. I am open and honest with my partner, as she is with me. There is no reason for me to be jealous of anything she does or anyone else around her. And even when its little things such as her asking me to do a chore, or even perhaps 'nagging' every now and then, I try to stay mindful of the situation, interpret small moments of opportunity for resentment, and then let them fade so that I am still left with just my raw love, and no negative harbouring emotions like resentment. Doing those things for me seems to work. I have yet to get into a big arguement with my partner (Knock on wood lol) and we have been together for 2 years. I am getting married to her this July and I truly believe through simply being mindful of all events, good and bad, we can make the relationship last as long as we want, and not become a part of that 50% divorce rate many couples are experiencing today. I dont know if I explained that well enough, or if others do that. But thats what works for me, so I figured id share my personal opinions on the matter.
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