[ffflyer]

Hello CyJackX and welcome to the forum.

I have been learning meditation from a Samatha (Theravadan) group, but it seems to me that you have started with a Zen approach. And the first instruction I ever had was from Tibetan Buddhism.

All traditions teach meditation, and they all have a different way of teaching. What is common to all, and where we all have to begin, is calming of the mind, acceptance of the distracting thoughts, and always a return to the object of the meditation.

When you are thinking about the counting of the breath, that itself is a distraction. When you feel that you should be counting to a different pattern, that is another distraction.

Your mind will find ways to remain active all the time, and it will even present ideas to you in the guise of suggestions for better meditation. Like a small child wishing to interrupt an adult's conversation, the mind is unrelentingly persistent.

Accept it and pay no attention. If the counting is bugging you, stop counting for a while and notice just the breath.

I've been taught that there are two factors in meditation: concentration and mindfulness. If the two are not present and in balance, the meditation is lessened.

Concentration is centred on the object of the meditation: the breath or the counting or a candle flame or a sound or a mental focus.

Mindfulness is an awareness that you are engaged in meditation and nothing else.

I hope that you will find my post helpful. Please understand that I rate myself as a beginner in meditation, and nothing I have put here should be thought of as instructional. I'm not a teacher, I am the taught.

Perhaps others will have constructive suggestions to make.